Tag Archives: love

Thoughts – November 23, 2017

 Past Monday they replaced the boiler in my apartment. The constant chilliness, candles, a small heater, and hardly any warm water were over.
Tuesday we played, Princess and I.
The room was warm and cozy.
A few candles lit.
Rope, pain, hot candle wax and pleasure.
Princess had a ball.
So did I.
We did not make love that night. Instead I held Princess in my arms while we waited in the darkness for sleep to creep in.
The next morning we made love. Showered with hot water. We drank coffee and went to the woods for a walk.
Way to soon it was late and almost noon.
We kissed and then Princess stepped into her other life.


Thoughts – October 6, 2017

Princess and I  enjoyed our trip to Poland. It rained most of the time but we were together. The bad weather did not stop us. One can protect himself from cold and rain.

We did not make love in the evening because we were simply to exhausted. Instead we watched a movie every single evening. Cozy on the couch. Princess and I. Simply the two of us enjoying a few days of living together 100% of the time.
Sure we quarreled a few times. I live alone, Princess has her kids. Two worlds colliding. We made it. We survived the bad weather, the cold, the quarrels because our love is deep, because, finally, Princess and I are one.

Back home we started to play again. Yes, it had been quite some time since that last evening we played. D/s for some reason had become less important yet we can’t live without it.

I introduced The Stranger in our life. Then there was Sid, The Stranger Part 2. We had fun, Princess and I and it made us even stronger. It made us feel even closer, this secret of lust and desire we shared.

It is just fun. Just sex. Coloring outside the lines. I am sure some of you dislike this. Love should stay pure, untouched.
We are just discovering each other’s sexuality and there is nothing wrong with that. Hell, we are giving each other that necessary space to discover our deepest sexual fantasies. We talk, open and honest. We play, we experiment.

In the end it is just the two of us, Princess and I.
The liberty, the openness, the space is just one little part of whom we are, Princess and I.

This blog is and always will be a personal diary. This blog is not for you. It is our story and we have chosen to share it with whom is interested.

I have noticed a dramatic drop in the reading stats since Princess and I started experimenting with others.

I believe most of our Readers followed us because our relation is near to perfect. Believe me, it still is. Only a secure, honest and deep relation makes it possible for two people to travel together into the dark abyss of each other’s sexual desires.
And survive it.

In a few weeks from now I am taking Princess to a Swinger’s club. If all goes well I’ll invite a few men to fuck her. I’ll be in charge. I’ll make the scene happen in a way that makes Princess happy.
She’ll be used. I’ll give the orders. I’ll say the words Princess loves to hear.

That is love at its best. She has desires, I have desires. We match them and enjoy them.

At the end Princess cries in my arms, tells me her deepest secrets, trusts me 100%. And vice versa.
That is what connects us. Two souls being one.

True love is not about lying or pretending.
It is about being yourself with your partner.
And some other stuff too.


Let’s be corny…

My mother was a huge fan of Jim Reeves. She infected me with his music when I was 16, 17. I was a very insecure boy. I had lost my father just a few years before.

At that age I was searching without knowing what I was looking for. A hopeless romantic with a temper. Contemplating suicide, not as an act but more as revenge.

One could say I was emo avant la lettre but I sure as hell wasn’t the only troubled youngster. Some of my friends or acquaintances did not make it. I still cherish their names.

The evenings talking, discussing, drinking beers, smoking an endless chain of cigarettes. And then there was that void some could not coop with.

I desperately missed my father, I felt misunderstood by my mother and all the other grown-ups around me. My grandfather was living with us but sadly had lost it. I felt I was in a constant battle with my younger sister. With myself.
I wanted love but not what it really was. I wanted the love Grace Kelly, Fred Astaire or even Humphrey experienced. Total, consuming, devouring.

When I look back at that particular time of my life I can only feel incredible respect for my mother. She must have missed my father in ways I never understood until now, with Princess and all. It was only after my mother passed away, being to oldest, had to pay her income taxes. Oh boy, she did so much, gave us an education and so much more while dancing with the limits of poverty.

So there was Jim Reeves. And to a certain extent a German dude who sang beautiful Christmas carols about loneliness, farewells and unreachable love. In general my mother hated and despised Germans. World War One and Two, you know. I forget his name but I still have a few of his 33’s in my cellar.

I adored Jim Reeves’ “He’ll have to go” without fully understanding what it was about.

Years later these words would become bitter reality when I discovered that my very first real girlfriend with whom I lived on a small apartment, fucked my friends behind my back. Until this day I don’t have any friends that are close friends. Some wounds never properly heal.

I have come a long way. The insecure boy is long dead. Also gone is the lack of self-confidence. I am very happy with who I have become. And even more happy with that unique woman I’ll  be spending my remaining decades with.

I don’t really miss my mother. She left 10 years ago. I don’t really miss my sister either. I fought for her, helped her convince our mother that she could be happy with a woman. My sister married the woman of her love years ago. Now we have become strangers. We wish each other a happy birthday and there are a few likes on Facebook we give each other.

I do miss my father almost every day. He left 45 years ago.
The image I have of my father is just a polished one, I know. A memory covered with a gorgeous golden patina.

But for some reason I cannot grasp, I would have loved to present Princess to my father. I so want to let him know I have finally found what he had lived for just 13 years.
Absolute love.

I heard it a few times on the radio. The words, the music moved me beyond reason.
The first few times I wasn’t even sure it was him. I’m not a fan but a bigger fan than Princess. She teases me with my appreciation I have for him. Singer, songwriter, 2016 literature Noble prize winner.
Bob Dylan.

Oh boy, this is so fucking beautiful.

I am enjoying Bob Dylan’s new cd, Triplicate at its fullest.
It inspired me to write this post.

Yeah, let’s get corny.

Thoughts – March 13, 2017

It is Monday and I am back at work after being home for a fortnight. The storms in my head almost settled down. It was hard this morning to get up and leave for work. I felt sick albeit I know it is my mind trying to trick me into staying home. All those incoherent symptoms eventually faded away.

Our part of the weekend was great. Princess and I had a good time.
On Saturday evening we went for dinner at Big A.’s place. Little A. was staying with me so she obviously tagged along.
We were a little worried because sometimes things can get tense. My relation with my eldest daughter has been difficult for years. The divorce certainly left some traces.

Recently Big A. got a promotion and it is obvious she feels better. Until recently she followed evening classes were one had to self-evaluate. That too helped Big A. to put stuff more in perspective and to be more open-minded and not to take everything as a personal attack.

Food was delicious, the mood relaxed and pleasant. Yes, it was a very memorable evening.

Back home Princess and I went to bed and we cuddled for a while and then held each other while we drifted toward a deep and soothing sleep.

The next morning, Sunday, we made love. Wow, it is still a passionate and mind-blowing experience. We devoured each other’s mind and body. It was voracious, wild and kinky lovemaking.

Too soon it was noon and I dropped Princess of at her place. The poor thing was exhausted, the intense lovemaking had left its traces.
At half past four I picked her up again and we visited Princesses’ sister who had invited the family for her birthday party.

Normally Stella and Little Star accompany us but lately Stella has been avoiding the family. They ask too many questions like how are you feeling, are you ready for work, how’s therapy working out for you.
They mean well but for Stella all those questions are so confronting because she knows she’ll never get better than she already is.

Immediately after our arrival two of Princesses’ daughter, Kay and Ar, left. They still don’t want to have anything to do with me.

The Boy greeted me warmheartedly and Bo said hi.
We all had a great time.

Around seven The Boy left and took Little Star with him.
It was already past bedtime for her.

He said goodbye to me and asked Princess if she came home later on stay overnight at my place.
My goodness, I was flabbergasted. Not only was it a very friendly put question but he made it sound like it was quite normal Princess stayed at my place, spending the night.

Princess smiled and greedily accepted the opportunity given by the question.
“I’m staying with Franco tonight,” she told her son.
“Okay,” The Boy said, shook my hand and off he was.

Later that evening we arrived at our place.
I felt so happy. An extra night with Princess and the cool reaction of The Boy. It is clear he finally accepts me.

It was still early but we went to bed. I kissed Princess and then she asked for a spanking. I was more than happy to oblige and enthusiastically reddened her delicious butt cheeks.
“Thank you Milord”, she whispered and I took her in my arms. For what seemed like an eternity I held the love of my life close to me.

Then I kissed her again and gently caressing worked my way down. Princess was already wet and longing when I reached my destination.
Slowly I brought her to an orgasm.

“Thank you Milord”, Princess sighed.

We kissed, I held her.
Then I switched off the lights and for a while we lay there, Princess and I.
Our breathing and heartbeat slowed down while we sank deeper and deeper in that delicious warm and comforting ocean of sleep and dreams.




Nipples and Clothespins Reviewed

A short timeline to begin this post with.

Our story began on September 20, 2011 and less than a year later, on August 15, Princess revealed she was into submission and BDSM.

On November 16, 2012 I started the WordPress blog Princess and I, Bound by Desire.

From the start it was intended as a personal diary.  It would be about our erotica and BDSM and some personal stuff when it was relevant enough or if it had an impact on our relation.

In the beginning I added some topics about my photography but eventually that faded away when I started my photography blog under my real name.

Over time I gathered a handful loyal readers. Some of them became great online friends too. I am very grateful for that.

I have never been into stats and hits and followers.

I moved to a self-hosted site on August 15, 2013.

My very first post was titled Nipples and Clothespins. We had actually never tried it and after reading Princess told me she was not sure she could stand the pain.

I showed Princess this image.
“Oh no”, she gasped, “this must really hurt. My nipples are so sensitive. Never ever do this to me. Please.”
“I can’t promise”, I told her.

I love browsing through our diary. So many unforgettable and intense memories.

Things have really changed over these past 4 years.

It is obvious you get what you payed for.
At first I was rather ignorant in where to find toys so I opted for a huge well-known international adult life-style shopping site.

I don’t have any of these toys anymore. Some even broke down after being used a few times. The faux-leather cuffs did not even withhold Princesses’ leg shaking after an intense orgasm.  After being use 4 times the soft silicone glans of the Rabbit vibrator showed fissures.

What I have left from those first acquisitions is a beaten down, no pun intended, flogger. It was our very first one and I’m keeping it as a souvenir.

Luckily Princesses’ and my desires, wishes and grow paths in BDSM are fully compatible.
Here too we have evolved considerably. From the beginning I chose to move very gradually so after all these years there is still so much growth in our BDSM experience.


Although we both love the D/s part, Bondage, mostly rope, and SM are the flavors we prefer.

Recently I added a whip to my collection and Princess loves its sting, so different from a flogger, leather or suede, or a cane or riding crop.

Because we trust each other completely, because we have a very open communication, because it feels like a natural step, we are, slowly, including extra play partners. That to is an exciting voyage.

Our love has intensified; I have never been so close with somebody as with Princess. Princess is my wife to be, my lover, my slut, my best friend, my soul-mate, my submissive.
I trust Princess with my life.

Seven Doors To Seven Temples by MrModigliani

It is beautiful and amazing poetry that moved me deeply and it comes very close to how I feel about my relation with Princess and our journey.
In this poem I read what Princess has given already and is still giving me.
MrModigliani’s words touched me by their familiarity.

Princesses’ gift of Love, surrender and submission is one of a priceless value.
It is something I have never experienced before.

Therefore I wish to share this beautiful poem written by my friend MrModigliani  and titled Seven Doors To Seven Temples.

Step deeper into yourself and sense her.  What do you feel?  She invited you down the path of her own faith and gave you one key.  Are you really worth it? Can she really let you inside the golden temple of her trust?

You are brash. But you really have no idea what is before you.  There is a door that she wants you to pass through.   And yet what you don’t yet grasp is that there are seven door to seven temples, each temple being inside another.  Each temple has its own door requiring a new key.  And only she will decide if you are allowed to pass.

There is little likelihood that you will ever pass through these seven doors or even get inside the second temple.  But, if you do, you will reach her inner sanctum and achieve the greatest divinity of knowing her.  And she will give you everything in multiples of whatever you have experienced.

Enjoy the rest of MrModigliani’s poem HERE. It will leave you breathless with its sheer beauty.

On our very first weekend, Opal Coast, May 26/27, 2012
On our very first weekend, Opal Coast, May 26/27, 2012








Thoughts – April 8, 2016

Everything is fine over here. Princess and I are doing well.

Lately most of our Saturday and Tuesday evenings have been taken by other events or people. This means we haven’t been able to play much let alone go to the Club or discover new BDSM places.

We are though, looking for a day collar for Princess.

This means there has been little to write about and posting just for the sake of posting, well, it ain’t my style.

We visited Princesses’ family on two birthday occasions and to my great surprise her kids, except for Ar, were also present although they came with a different car. Except for The Boy they did as if I wasn’t there but hey, it is a start.

I have been proofreading a novel and it was the second time I did this. It is about finding typos and incoherent data.
For some reason I am good at it.
While people look at a bush in a garden and see the bush I immediately spot a tiny crab spider sitting on a leaf. I tend to notice anomalies very quickly. I found it awesome how a type just jumped at me even before I read the sentence.

I’ve also been working on my photography blog. Having made the choice to shoot on film makes my photography a craft and thus time-consuming. Developing, scanning and digital darkroom takes up quite some of my time.

In two weeks I’m following a workshop on street photography. I subscribed for this about 9 months ago and still don’t know why. In fact I feel awkward around people and feel that pushing a camera in their face is an intrusion of their personal space.

Yet I have been talking with Princess about a project about social documentary photography. Belgium (and Europa) has been inundated by refugees. That could be an angle but I am not really interested because it is way to easy. I would prefer to make a documentary about the poor or the underprivileged  natives as I believe it is a forgotten problem.
A few days ago I saw a can of tuna in Stella’s apartment. It was white with blue lettering and clearly relief goods from Europe. I remember being struck as I imagined this stuff in a war zone, in a refugee camp but not in my country.

Then there was my The Kinky Cafe project. It did not flower and I shut it down a few months later.

Now The Kinky Cafe is officially dead. Today I purchased a new domain name for that account and I am starting a new personal photography project.

Tomorrow, Saturday 9, Princess and I are talking her sister for dinner, a late birthday present. We are going to an excellent Indian restaurant not far from Brussels.

Take care.

Statue (2016) Nikon F5 with Nikon 24-120mm and loaded with Kodak Tri-X
Statue (2016)
Nikon F5 with Nikon 24-120mm and loaded with Kodak Tri-X

REBLOG – To the Stars and Back

So many mornings waking up next to Princess lay behind me already. I pray each and every day that I still have a zillion more mornings like these.

Feeling Princesses’ warmth, touching her soft skin. Her blonde hair exploding in golden fire, lit by an early morning sun.

Looking at Princess in awe, while she sleeps, or looks back at me, drowsy and smiling. Whispering a good morning just before our lips meet so our tongues can dance.

The kisses and the promises of intense lovemaking or a good and rough fuck.

I have written about these moments but only a few days ago I read a short story by Rachel de Vine and it touched me because it says almost exactly what I feel and think on these lazy mornings. She says it so much better than I ever could.

Rachel writes very fine erotica and I am a huge fan. Please visit her blog/personal web space by clicking HERE.

So without further ado I have the great pleasure to let you enjoy To the Stars and Back

To the Stars and Back – Erotic fiction
by Rachel de Vine

He looked down at the woman sleeping beside him.  Knees drawn up, arms tucked around her body, she lay almost in a foetal position, as though trying to protect herself from something.  She must be dreaming, he thought, as she whimpered lightly in her sleep.  Perhaps she was recalling the events of the previous evening.  But were the whimpers from the echo of the pleasure or the pain?  He smiled, reliving the memory of her moans and the way she had arched her back and begged him for more as he had tormented her with his tongue.  For a few seconds the fleeting memories renewed the pleasure in his groin, before his thoughts once more returned to the present and to the woman at his side.

She’s so beautiful; she almost takes my breath away.

She had thrown off the sheet, the only bedcovering on this hot, steamy night, her naked body reflecting the light from the moon, hanging full and ripe in the night sky. Her body was slight, but curved in all the right places, with breasts that were just the right size for him to take one completely in each hand, squeezing in the way that he tested the ripeness of the fruit he bought at the market.  Full of desire, he let his eyes slide over her velvet-smooth skin, unblemished except for the faint markings he had left on her breasts and wrists; markings like a signature that reminded him that he was hers.

He could take her now in her sleep, awakening her with his stiff cock that was already twitching at the thought, but decided to wait.  Let her sleep a little longer.  They had played hard the night before and he knew that he had exhausted her with his unquenchable need for her body.  He must try and pace himself, he thought wryly, even as he knew that there was something about her expressive eyes, her slow, gentle smile and her alluring body that made it almost impossible to resist the primitive urge that welled up from deep within him.  That urge made him want to take her, to possess her, to tease her, to control her, to show her the beauty in the pain that he inflicted and the joy and pleasure that followed as they reached the top of the mountain together, leaping off to soar into that place in the universe where great stars collide and explode.

Continue reading HERE



Thoughts – March 25, 2016

I haven’t been writing much for this blog lately. Princess and I still enjoy playing, being together, the D/s and especially the BDSM.

How many posts can I write about a good fuck, an intense spanking, a zillionth orgasm before repeating myself?

Sure, every time we play, Princess and I, it is a different experience for us. Yet not necessarily one that is interesting enough to write about.

I believe Princess and I excel in the way we talk and have an open and honest communication. I value that very much. Once in a while though being truthful can lead to a certain degree of disappointment. This is not a bad thing; it simply indicates you are not in perfect phase with the other person. Talking about it puts everything back in perspective.

Decades ago, it feels like another life, I somewhat dabbled with the world of swingers and, as a single man, had a couple of experiences. They were with a couple who occasionally invited a few men at their home to enjoy the wife. More than the fucking itself I enjoyed watching the others do their thing. The sexual freedom, sex in “public”, the hotness of swapping were also aspects that at that time I found very appealing.

At that time, I wished for a girlfriend that was also into swinging and the idea of visiting a swinger’s club with her gave me an instant boner.

It never happened though, not the girlfriend, not the clubs.

My life then went in another direction and I got married. It was (sexually) very dull and soon I sank in an almost constant state of depression. The birth of my two daughters the only lights in those dark years. After recovering from a burnout my life started to take form again. It would take another 5 years before I finally found the strength to break free from the dungeons of my marriage.
When I broke the chains I also killed the dark beast of depression that had been lurking in my head for almost two decades.

I lived alone for some time, had a relation and then finally met Princess. The path that brought me to Princess had been a hard one, but it was more than worth it.

Over the years my short-lived swinging “experience” faded to a point I did not want to pick up the remainders.
I had moved on and embraced, with Princess, the BDSM part of our sexuality.

The only memory that remained unspoiled and still extremely strong was the image of that woman being fucked by her hubby and the other visitor. The thought still sends hot and tantalising shivers through my body.

Countless are the fantasies I had where Princess was under my control in the presence of another man, also under my control. I imagined a thousand scenarios, one even hotter than the other.

I never told any of them to Princess.

Somewhere in the last months of last year our friends, K. & J., contacted us to see if we were open for a woman/woman scenario. Princess is not even bi-curious but the idea kind of tickled her fancy.

Princess and I did our homework and talked about it, what it would mean. About the impact on our relation.
About limits. I somewhat surprised Princess when I told her that for me, in a woman/woman situation, she was free to explore as much as she wanted and the limits only set by her curiosity.

A few days later I came clean with Princess and told her I would not say no to a BDSM based scenario with an extra man albeit with hard limits like 100% safe sex. I guess she was flabbergasted by what I told her but I felt great as I finally was able to talk about my most well guarded desires and fantasies. I felt relieved and even closer to Princess.

I also told Princess that if it where my call I would prefer a man/Princess scenario over a woman/Princess scene.

Princess and I looked forward to the w/w moment very much. Sir K. and I met and discussed a scenario and then all was set.

Unfortunately, J. had an accident a week before the event so it was called off. J. is still revalidating but getting there.

I am still not sure but I think Princess was somewhat relieved we didn’t go trough with it.

It did not keep me from fantasising about what became “The Stranger”. In short I would take Princess to a hotel room or something. Before entering the room, she would be blindfolded and we would play. Princess would be unaware of his presence until the right moment where he would touch her and so forth.

Over the months I build this scenario based on Princess’s reactions on the dirty talk I often use when we fuck.

We talked about this scenario on other occasions and Princess told me she would be uneasy and nervous but liked the idea exploring her sexuality even deeper. Princess agreed when I said I was sure it would even bring us closer and deepen our relation.

A few weeks ago Sir K. told us J. was doing well and they were looking forward to a new attempt.

Recently I got an invitation for a Spring Party based on the tales of Boccaccio’s the Decameron. I talked about it and told Princess I was pretty sure it was not a BDSM party but a swinger’s party. I did not want to waste money on buying a dark costume or renting a tux for the occasion. On the other hand, I wanted to go, finally witness a swinger’s party and I told Princess I would be open for more if the situation would be favorable for a variation on my “The Stranger” scenario.

As a matter of a fact I had already started setting up a hot and thrilling BDSM variation of “The Stranger” scenario, working on an add ensuring me to find a perfect dick.

A few days ago we talked again about the party on the phone. It is a whole different way of communicating and it has its place depending on the subject being discussed.

We talked about the party and about expanding our sexuality. I told her I preferred by far ‘The Stranger’ of woman/woman scenario over a visit to a swinger’s party.

Then Princess told me again she felt no need for such ventures and was quite happy with how things are. The occasional visit to the club, the playing at home, maybe finding another BDSM club.

We talked some more, looked at it from different angles and it became very clear to me Princess indeed felt no need to explore that part of our sexuality.

I respect her point of view and I am happy she came clear on this after giving me the wrong signals (or was it me interpreting them the wrong way?) I would hate myself forever if Princess did things more to please me than for her own pleasure.

Princess was honest yet I feel slightly disappointed but I am sure that will fade soon.

Here are a few images I took after a very intense scene at our place. It was one of the first times I used only the cane and a few warming up slaps with my hand. The second is biting.


February 27, 2016 Caning
February 27, 2016


February 27, 2016 Pinching
February 27, 2016


This is not about a people’s liberation organization or a political party.

It is what we, Princess and I, enjoy doing.
Pain, Love and Passion.

Princess and I are still growing and the way we play has changed over the course of the last few months. Mind you, I use the same ingredients, but the way I cook is different.

More than before Dominance has now an important part in the way I play with Princess. It makes our scenes more intense and Princesses’ body language, her response to my Dominance, both unmistakable passionate and very submissive.

I think this is why lately we get some very positive reactions in the Dungeon. I don’t just spank Princess or tie her or whatever it is I do. I think of it as a cat and mouse game. I take my time, observe, give pain, observe, give love, pleasure and Princess, my love, reacts in a way I cannot describe except that her emotions are pure.

What most Dominants do in the Dungeon is spank and that is it. I rarely see the interaction I have with Princess. They could as well be spanking a love doll.

I do not want to brag but we, Princess and I, give a genuine show, more than those whom choose to spank for the pleasure of spanking. Don’t get me wrong, I do not look down on these people. Hell, we live in an apartment too and noise travels far. It can be liberating to go for harsh impact plat knowing you are not disturbing anyone. Having the cops knocking on the door.

At home there are the ropes, the Shibari ring and a 3 anchor points I made in the walls surrounding the play space. One overhead, for the arms, and two for spreading Princesses’ legs.

So I can tie Princess in several ways. I can do floor suspension or full suspension or have her stand up, hands tied to a horizontal bamboo bar. Have her lying down and spread open, ready for use.

The cane has become my tool of preference when it comes to pain. I also use wooden clothes pins and they also deliver very intense local pain stimuli. Candle wax is something that does wonders too.

I am still amazed when I make Princess orgasm with only pain.

When I Dominate Princess sexually I feel so complete, so one with my love.

Pain, Love and Passion is our mantra.

Waiting for Princess (2016) Olympus OM-2n with 28mm f3,5 and loaded with Ilford HP5+
Waiting for Princess (2016)
Olympus OM-2n with 28mm f3,5 and loaded with Ilford HP5+

Then brought now

Yesterday, while updating the software for my film scanners, I picked randomly a few slides in order to test-drive my Epson V700. Slides my father made, over half a century ago.

They had turned magenta, typical for Agfa slide film. The Kodak slides and other types of Afga film have somewhat kept their colors.

By posting this image I want to honor my parents who gave me the precious gift of life. They where the foundation of whom I am today. The loved each other deeply with devotion and love. No drama, no bad words, just love and caring.
Not for the first time I wonder if my father was a Gentleman Dom and my mother a lovely submissive. I’ll never know.

The first 13 years of my life where magical and I have so many great childhood memories. Then my father passed away and life suddenly became a struggle, at that time mostly for my mother.
My mother was devastated, as if something had been ripped out of her body. She was so lost and she never even looked at another man.

My mother did her best for us, my sister and me, but the enchanted times had vanished. Forever I thought.

My mother passed away 10 years ago. I miss my mother but I do miss my father the most. Of course I am aware that the memories he still lives in have been polished by the steady flow of time.

There is a mental exercise that I sometimes make. Futile and stupid of course as it is an impossibility. But what if a gorgeous and sexy fairy would offer me 10′ with one of my parents?
Ah, the dream and an easy choice. I would without any shadow of a doubt choose for 10 minutes with him. My father.
No, I do not feel less for my mother, it is the way it is.

Indeed, there have been so many moments in my life that I was desperate because I could not find what I had lost when my father died.
I did not find it in the short of long relations. Certainly not in my marriage. My daughters came close but not close enough.

Deep in my heart though, I knew I would recognize it when it would ultimately show up. I knew that moment would come.

On the evening of September, 6th, 2011 it finally happened when I met Princess. She turned my world, my life and my heart upside down.

On this windy Sunday evening I now understand what it is  I lost when my father died.
Yes, with him my childhood evaporated, true. And unhappy decades would follow.

Looking at this image yesterday and holding Princess in my arms this morning, I suddenly understood what I have been really looking for all these decades. And it was not what I had expected.

It is the deep, trusting, loving and absolute connection my father and mother had that I have been searching for.

I found it, over 4 years ago, with Princess and it is still growing and intensifying.

Princess and I have that extremely deep connection that will survive eternity.

Thank you, Princess, for being in my life, for being with me.

For you love.
For you.
You. And. I.

My parents somewhere in 1959 or so
My parents somewhere in 1959 or so