Tag Archives: Kayla Lords

REBLOG – What Does a Real Dominant Look Like?

Some time ago I received an email from Kayla Lords. I guess you know her from her excellent blog  A Sexual Being or as author of some excellent BDSM stories.

With Tom Wolf and John Brownstone, excellent company, I was asked to answer a few questions Kayla had in her mail. An interview if you will.

It was fun doing and a few days ago her article, What Does a Real Dominant Look Like appeared on Kinkly.com.

This is an excerpt but you can read the whole article HERE.

Takeaway:Real dominants don’t all wear three-piece suits or leather. They don’t throw out orders to total strangers. But they have many traits in common – and none of them are sexual or about the clothes they wear.

What Does a Real Dominant Look Like?

Contrary to what the erotica burning up e-readers around the world will tell you, not all Dominants wear three-piece suits, own multi-billion dollar corporations, or turn their secretaries into their submissives from the first interview. Books like that are fun to read and certainly get me all steamed up, but trying to find a Dominant that fits that mold is nearly impossible.

Dominant people, because they can be male or female, cis or trans, come in every shape, size, color, sexual preference, income bracket, education level and career. There is no perfect picture of a Dominant. The men don’t all wear suits. The women don’t always wear leather or latex. Many Dominants I know are typically found in jeans and t-shirts.

So, what does a “real” Dominant look like? In my experience – as someone who loves a Dominant and is friends with others – they all have very similar traits. But here’s the surprising thing: Not one of those traits is physical.

Common Traits of a Real Dominants


A good Dominant doesn’t rush into giving you commands from the moment you meet. If they do, it’s likely a test. Master M, a friend of mine and Domme (yes, she’s female and yes, she uses the title “Master”), has said many times that if she’s giving a new potential submissive an order, it’s to see if they have a backbone and will stand up to her. Dominants are in no rush to have you bow and kneel before them. They want to get to know you as a person first. (Learn more in 5 Ways to Spot a Good Dominant.)


The best Dominants do what they say they’re going to do. They’re consistent in thought, speech and action. You know where you stand with them. The reality is that you might not always like what you hear, but you know you’re being told the truth as they see it or they’re doing what they think is best.

Continued HERE

An evening

Tuesday, April 7.
Little A. is staying with me and has invited 2 girlfriends. I don’t feel okay watching a film on my iMac or fucking Princess in the other room. I can hear Little A. laugh so I am sure she can hear Princess moan.
After one week I feel the lack of privacy and Princess misses the pain, the whipping and spanking.

Plan B. was inviting Princess for a fun session in a rendezvous hotel. I loved the idea of playing the cheating couple although I know how being cheated on feels like.
“I can’t”, Princess told me. Yeah, it was that time of the month. I don’t mind making love to Princess during those moments but not in bed linen of a hotel. 

So it was time for plan C.
I took Princess for dinner to the Sushi Restaurant we went to on our first date almost 4 years ago. Hell, I managed to get the same table we had that first and memorable moment.

We had a great time, Princess and I.

Back home I read for Princess. The Visitor, a short by Kayla Lords and Princess found it extremely hot.
Then we went 
 to bed, Princess and I, and I had delicious tongue sex with Princess and she thanked me when she came.

We slept well as we always do. Dancing through the night with Princess just feels so natural, so close and intimate.
When we woke up it was still that moment of the month so we spooned and I used Princess the other and even more delicious way.

Then I drove her home and our lives continued separately.
That is the way it is.
For the moment.


Madame Gretchen – Book review

Book Blurb:
Six kinksters want to join the most exclusive BDSM club in the area, The Iron Maiden. The first requirement? Survive Madame Gretchen. Join them as they navigate six weeks of kinkiness led by a sadistic, crop-wielding Domme who loves forced orgasms and demands total surrender. Their limits will be stretched and their desires uncovered.

I don’t read that much erotica.
They are mostly about tanned and muscled Dom’s who are, big surprise, zillionaires complete with six-pack abdomens and unbelievable hard and huge cocks. They “dominate” and fuck their faux blonde secretaries at will. These girls have bodies so perfect and beautiful they make Botticelli’s Venus pale into insignificance.
Each sex scene though is a cut and paste from the previous one or is so boring you simply skip the passage or fall asleep.

Writing compelling, erotic and hot fuckery that arouses the reader is not that simple. There are so many clichés and pitfalls or the writer lacks sufficient vocabulary or imagination.

Kayla Lords is a rare exception on all of the above.
I have been following Kayla Lords’ blog, A Sexual Being, for a long time now and I also had the pleasure to read Kayla Lord’s three previous novellas, “Big Game“, “The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl” and “Sir and Babygirl: Bound by Love“.

I loved them because they were well written, very erotic, with an interesting narrative and characters one can relate to. Both stories fueled my imagination and I felt sad arriving at the last page.

This Friday, February 27th, marks the release of Kayla’s fourth eBook titled “Madame Gretchen”.

I was one of the lucky ones to receive a copy to review.

It is clear Kayla Lords has matured as a writer. Boy can she tell a hot story. Madame Gretchen is somewhat conceived as a frame story and each of the 6 kinksters get a chapter. These people grow, evolve and gain self-confidence and self-knowledge.

The kinksters Randy Boy, Bella, Drake, The Switches and Ivory are portrayed in such a way they could be you, me or your neighbour.
They are everyday people with their wishes, fears and (anatomic) imperfections and stand very far from the Christian Grey’s of this world.

A good story is one you can relate to. I must admit I was touched a few times. I had a couple of laughs too because a few scenes, merely described by a phrase or two, were, for me, funny and recognizable.

Overall I had a great time reading this short story, got really turned on and once again it was over way to quick. After the first few pages I was completely sucked into the story and in my mind’s eye the dungeon, the atmosphere, the people were very tangible.

Madame Gretchen is about real-life BDSM.
I know that because I myself am a proud and happy member of the lifestyle.

Every erotic scene is pleasing and surprises by its originality. They are never boring but rather new and sparkling.
It also appears Madame Gretchen is very good in what she does. But even a Dominatrix has feelings, doubts and insecurities.

You get an insight in the world of Domination and submission and a crash course on the do’s and don’ts in the world of BDSM.
It is the prefect antidote against the popular but erroneous vision shown in a very popular movie.

Madame Gretchen is about trust, pleasure, lust, love, pain and so much more.
But most of all it is extremely well written and thus highly recommended.

Author Bio:
Kayla discovered her love of writing at age seven and her sexual fantasies by age 13. It took a divorce and re-entry into the dating world for her to find her sexual power and voice. She is a sexual submissive in the BDSM lifestyle which is not as extreme and terrifying as it may first appear from the outside looking in.
Kayla writes BDSM-themed erotica with a focus on Dominance and submission (D/s). She does not only want to turn her readers on, but also wants them to realize that D/s is more than just a kink and isn’t scary or degrading.

A blogger, tweeter, and talker, Kayla loves interacting with her readers as much as possible!

Purchase Links:
Amazon: http://getbook.at/Madame

Social/Follow Links:
Website: http://kaylalords.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/kaylalordsauthor
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/KaylaLords
Tumblr: http://a-sexual-being.tumblr.com
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/KaylaLords

Madame Gretchen cover


Thoughts – January 8th, 2014

I had an awesome Wednesday and it started when I woke up a first time this morning. Seven it was and Princess left for work. Got a quick kiss and off she was, leaving me with this glorious feeling of intense happiness. Every day I am aware of the fact how a lucky man I am with such a great, loving and caring woman at my side.

The alarm of my iPhone pulled me out of a deep sleep at 10:45.
Made some coffee, took a quick shower, walked to the post office to pick up a parcel. It contains a gift for Princess, a black silk kimono. I’m sure it will add to our rope play in some way or another.

Silk kimono from Besired
Silk kimono from Besired

Shortly after midday Little A. came by and we immediately left, picked up a friend of her and I drove them both to a huge shopping mall near Antwerp.

I had given my youngest an IOU as a Christmas present. I knew she needed a coat. Little A. planned to use the gift during the 6-week Sales period that starts in the first week of January.

Kids will be kids and she is at an age when they don’t want to be seen, even dead, with their parents. I’m just a taxi and a walking ATM but I don’t care as long as Little A. has fun.

Shopping Mall

In the mall we went separate ways. I went into a bookstore and bought, for the first time in long, two ‘real’ books. Both by one of my favorite authors, the German born but now Canadian Douglas Coupland who writes postmodernism literature.

I started reading ‘The Gum Thief’ while I sat on a wooden bench for almost two hours, waiting patiently for Little A. and G, her friend.


I left the bench only twice. Once when I badly needed to take a leak and half an hour later to grab a quick bite at Sbarro’s. Those spaghetti slurpers really know how to make delicious and tasty take-out food. Hell, I should know, was married to one for almost 17 years.


Little A. texted me on regularly, something she knows I appreciate. One of her messages made me sigh in relief. My youngest daughter had set her mind on a coat from Superdry but found it was way to expensive. Yes my dear Little A., one pays for a name yet there is no added value except for the brand.

Little A. finally found a coat but she feared I would not like it.
I liked it very much because it looked great on her.

After I paid and Little A. had hugged me she then was concerned about her mother’s reaction. I told her it didn’t matter as long as she, Little A. felt well with what she wears as it is, at that age, also a statement.

Yes, I had a wonderful day.

After posting this I’m going to continue reading a captivating romantic and erotic love story in the Kindle App on my iPad Air.

The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl” by Kayla Lords is fun, hot and touching.
Did I mention it is also very well written?

Planning a Saturday evening

I went shopping yesterday. Not in your regular grocery store or whatever springs to mind but in an erotic shop, owned by a friend of mine.


First of all I bought two identical floggers.
A few days ago I read an interesting post on Kayla Lords blog mentioning Florentine flogging.

I clicked through to the article and, well, I immediately liked what I read. It is considered an advanced flogging technique. To get this one right I am sure I’ll have to exercise quite a lot on, for example a pillow.

They didn’t have the kind of flogger I had in mind so in stead I bought two identical whips and will shorten the strands. They are way to long.
I was hoping to exercise today but that won’t be possible as Little A. texted me a while ago asking me if she could spend the afternoon with me.
Yes, of course I answered, it is always great to have Little A. at my place.

I also added another toy to my shopping cart, a Knobby Wobbly Rabbit.
This soft jelly like and knobbed vibrator gives extra clitoral stimulation with its dual motors.
I am sure Princess will enjoy this one and I already imagine her lying on my bed ready and longing, legs apart with my DIY spreader and maybe her arms immobilized with an second DIY spreader. She will not know what to expect from this vibrator but I am sure she’ll orgasm intensely and squirt abundantly. Princess always does since I taught her how to focus and forget her fear of entirely letting go and to embrace what her body is telling her mind.
Yes, Princess is a good girl when it comes to giving herself completely and utterly to me.

Knobby Wobbly Rabbit

This evening we are going to our Salsa Dance course like every Saturday evening but we won’t stick around afterwards. I will be taking Princess home for some extensive playing. Hell, we have really missed this, playing a scene, enjoying the pain, lust and desire. I adore making Princess completely submit to me.

This past week has been very emotional for both of us and then we don’t go much further than intense rough sex like your basic hair pulling, nipple pinching, shoulder biting and bare hand spanking stuff.
All this is enough though to make Princess come in a very wet way a zillion times in a row.

I added a music clip to this post and I hope you’ll enjoy the exciting and goading rhythm.

Bound by Desire