Tag Archives: family

Let’s be corny…

My mother was a huge fan of Jim Reeves. She infected me with his music when I was 16, 17. I was a very insecure boy. I had lost my father just a few years before.

At that age I was searching without knowing what I was looking for. A hopeless romantic with a temper. Contemplating suicide, not as an act but more as revenge.

One could say I was emo avant la lettre but I sure as hell wasn’t the only troubled youngster. Some of my friends or acquaintances did not make it. I still cherish their names.

The evenings talking, discussing, drinking beers, smoking an endless chain of cigarettes. And then there was that void some could not coop with.

I desperately missed my father, I felt misunderstood by my mother and all the other grown-ups around me. My grandfather was living with us but sadly had lost it. I felt I was in a constant battle with my younger sister. With myself.
I wanted love but not what it really was. I wanted the love Grace Kelly, Fred Astaire or even Humphrey experienced. Total, consuming, devouring.

When I look back at that particular time of my life I can only feel incredible respect for my mother. She must have missed my father in ways I never understood until now, with Princess and all. It was only after my mother passed away, being to oldest, had to pay her income taxes. Oh boy, she did so much, gave us an education and so much more while dancing with the limits of poverty.

So there was Jim Reeves. And to a certain extent a German dude who sang beautiful Christmas carols about loneliness, farewells and unreachable love. In general my mother hated and despised Germans. World War One and Two, you know. I forget his name but I still have a few of his 33’s in my cellar.

I adored Jim Reeves’ “He’ll have to go” without fully understanding what it was about.

Years later these words would become bitter reality when I discovered that my very first real girlfriend with whom I lived on a small apartment, fucked my friends behind my back. Until this day I don’t have any friends that are close friends. Some wounds never properly heal.

I have come a long way. The insecure boy is long dead. Also gone is the lack of self-confidence. I am very happy with who I have become. And even more happy with that unique woman I’ll  be spending my remaining decades with.

I don’t really miss my mother. She left 10 years ago. I don’t really miss my sister either. I fought for her, helped her convince our mother that she could be happy with a woman. My sister married the woman of her love years ago. Now we have become strangers. We wish each other a happy birthday and there are a few likes on Facebook we give each other.

I do miss my father almost every day. He left 45 years ago.
The image I have of my father is just a polished one, I know. A memory covered with a gorgeous golden patina.

But for some reason I cannot grasp, I would have loved to present Princess to my father. I so want to let him know I have finally found what he had lived for just 13 years.
Absolute love.

I heard it a few times on the radio. The words, the music moved me beyond reason.
The first few times I wasn’t even sure it was him. I’m not a fan but a bigger fan than Princess. She teases me with my appreciation I have for him. Singer, songwriter, 2016 literature Noble prize winner.
Bob Dylan.

Oh boy, this is so fucking beautiful.

I am enjoying Bob Dylan’s new cd, Triplicate at its fullest.
It inspired me to write this post.

Yeah, let’s get corny.

Thoughts – March 13, 2017

It is Monday and I am back at work after being home for a fortnight. The storms in my head almost settled down. It was hard this morning to get up and leave for work. I felt sick albeit I know it is my mind trying to trick me into staying home. All those incoherent symptoms eventually faded away.

Our part of the weekend was great. Princess and I had a good time.
On Saturday evening we went for dinner at Big A.’s place. Little A. was staying with me so she obviously tagged along.
We were a little worried because sometimes things can get tense. My relation with my eldest daughter has been difficult for years. The divorce certainly left some traces.

Recently Big A. got a promotion and it is obvious she feels better. Until recently she followed evening classes were one had to self-evaluate. That too helped Big A. to put stuff more in perspective and to be more open-minded and not to take everything as a personal attack.

Food was delicious, the mood relaxed and pleasant. Yes, it was a very memorable evening.

Back home Princess and I went to bed and we cuddled for a while and then held each other while we drifted toward a deep and soothing sleep.

The next morning, Sunday, we made love. Wow, it is still a passionate and mind-blowing experience. We devoured each other’s mind and body. It was voracious, wild and kinky lovemaking.

Too soon it was noon and I dropped Princess of at her place. The poor thing was exhausted, the intense lovemaking had left its traces.
At half past four I picked her up again and we visited Princesses’ sister who had invited the family for her birthday party.

Normally Stella and Little Star accompany us but lately Stella has been avoiding the family. They ask too many questions like how are you feeling, are you ready for work, how’s therapy working out for you.
They mean well but for Stella all those questions are so confronting because she knows she’ll never get better than she already is.

Immediately after our arrival two of Princesses’ daughter, Kay and Ar, left. They still don’t want to have anything to do with me.

The Boy greeted me warmheartedly and Bo said hi.
We all had a great time.

Around seven The Boy left and took Little Star with him.
It was already past bedtime for her.

He said goodbye to me and asked Princess if she came home later on stay overnight at my place.
My goodness, I was flabbergasted. Not only was it a very friendly put question but he made it sound like it was quite normal Princess stayed at my place, spending the night.

Princess smiled and greedily accepted the opportunity given by the question.
“I’m staying with Franco tonight,” she told her son.
“Okay,” The Boy said, shook my hand and off he was.

Later that evening we arrived at our place.
I felt so happy. An extra night with Princess and the cool reaction of The Boy. It is clear he finally accepts me.

It was still early but we went to bed. I kissed Princess and then she asked for a spanking. I was more than happy to oblige and enthusiastically reddened her delicious butt cheeks.
“Thank you Milord”, she whispered and I took her in my arms. For what seemed like an eternity I held the love of my life close to me.

Then I kissed her again and gently caressing worked my way down. Princess was already wet and longing when I reached my destination.
Slowly I brought her to an orgasm.

“Thank you Milord”, Princess sighed.

We kissed, I held her.
Then I switched off the lights and for a while we lay there, Princess and I.
Our breathing and heartbeat slowed down while we sank deeper and deeper in that delicious warm and comforting ocean of sleep and dreams.