Tag Archives: Esinem

Thoughts – February 8, 2016

Past week has been a busy one.

I ordered and received 6mm and 4mm hemp rope, 40 meters each.  Cut them in 8 meter lengths then treated them. I choose not the wash the rope. It takes quite some time for the hemp to dry and it is something I can’t do in my house. So I have an extra reason to long for sunny and warm days.

I also got a small bottle of 100% Tsubaki oil from the Esinem store and a Campingaz thingamabob from a local store called, I kid you not, Franco’s Campingshop.
I use this small and cheap gas-burner to burn off the fuzzes.

I treated the 4mm rope with the Tsubaki oil. This rope will be used for finer work. Princess has small hands so this rope matches better her body. This rope will not be used for suspension, only for decorative work.

For the 6mm rope I used baby oil just to see the effect. This rope will not be used for bondage but as suspension lines.

So now I own a nice collection of rope and I am eager to use them on and with Princess. I’m also going to make as much photographs as I can. Not only to share but as a witness of my progress.

* * * *

I had postponed writing an article for a Dutch informative site about BDSM way too long. It is a serious website and when I got a mail asking when they could expect my piece I tapped myself and started writing. It felt awkward, writing something about the lifestyle in my mother tongue.

It is about mind fucking. The technique, tips and tricks, dangers and a few examples. I make a difference between mind fucking and mind play. The first is about creating a make-believe situation, the latter about spicing up your partner’s fantasy (during play and/or sex).

I mailed it yesterday and this morning they replied telling me they loved it. I’ll probably will do more stuff for them in the near future. It is not on commission but that does not bother me. I do get the satisfaction of writing and documenting it thus learning stuff.

* * * *

One of my FB friends, a writer, asked who wanted to read her work in order to weed out typos. I volunteered and she accepted my help knowing English is not my mother tongue.

During the past few days I received a mail for every chapter. I read them out loud, one of the few advantages of living alone.
I had fun doing this. I learned a few things about the English language and because some French was used (I speak 70% of my time at work French but that does not mean I’m good a writing it) I had to check a few things I wasn’t sure of with a colleague and, yes, learned something.

* * * *

Past weekend, Saturday to be more precise, marked the 5th commemoration of the death of the father of Princess’s kids.
Obviously Princess’s place was with her kids so I only saw her Sunday evening. It was not for the first time since I know Princess I felt the excruciating pain of being alone.

I also had a sad thought about this anniversary.

When I met Princess little over 4 years ago and the first 2, 3 years thereafter, I felt sad for her kid’s loss. I could emotionally connect with them and when Princess told me about their boyfriends and studies and whatever, I was truly interested. I even crossed my fingers when some of them went for their driver’s license.

Today I don’t give a fuck about them anymore. I am fed up with their intolerance and hate towards me.
They think I am not good enough for their mother but they fucking don’t even know me. How pretentious!

It is not about not understanding the mechanisms of mourning and grief.  But in my book it sure as hell does not give a hall pass for being intolerant, hateful, impolite and disrespectful.

The prospect of spending the rest my life being rejected, not wanted or an object of fierce discussion before every family moment has become a huge burden.
In December last year I almost ended our relation.

It is not only about the kids of course. There is also Star, Princess’s grandchild, who lives with Princess because Stella, her mother and Princess’s eldest daughter, is unable to take care of her child. I’m sad to say that I don’t believe Stella will ever be okay enough to be a full time mother. So Star will stay with Princess who is her legally assigned foster-mother. That too will be a huge problem as Princess’s kids don’t want me in Star’s life and even worse, her mother doesn’t either.

It would help if I noticed some progress but over time their positions have only hardened. Last year I had the opportunity to talk with one of them, Ar, 22. I am not like Princess, I do not take their shit for granted. It did not end well as I refused to bow, they are just kids, they do not run the show. So she ran away, screaming, when I told her that she nor her sisters or brother could stop us living together or getting married. Princess is still mad at me for not being soft on her. Yeah sure.

Anyway, Princess and I were together Sunday evening. We did some rope bondage and made love and then went to bed.
Happily I slept well because I really needed a good night’s sleep. I don’t sleep well lately as my mind is to busy with all that drama around me.

I am aware there is not much Princess can do but on the other hand I do think she really underestimates how much all this is starting to weigh on me.

I’m way in my fifties, I am longing to settle down. I have no outlook on that but I’ll guess I’ll be in my sixties. Living where? No idea. Princess has renovated her house but her kids have made it clear they would never allow me living there. If one of them decides, after their studies, to stay home with mama I’m fucked. I’m thinking Princess needs to grow a bunch balls.

I am fed up being most of the time alone, going for a walk alone, whatever. Last time I phoned Princess outside “our” time was an experience I don’t want to repeat, even if I’m dying.

I am still madly in love with Princess but I fear that the day where I will feel the balance of pros and contra’s to be way off to the latter, is coming very close.

Princess won’t like what I’ve written but I can’t help it. After all this is our story, Princess and I, for better and for worse.

I can only hope that, in a very near future, we’ll look back on these moments, happy we overcame all this shit.
Being even closer than ever because of it.

When I started this blog I decided not to mention what really happened. I think is was because I feared doing so would expose who we, Princess and I, really are. That it would erase our anonymity. It is, in fact, more about protecting Princess’s anonymity.

I am aware that my part of the story is a biased one. Albeit I try to be objective about the matter I can’t because I am in the middle of it.

The Father spend the better part of his last 10 years in psychiatry. Numerous are the times he called his wife and children around the table to tell them he wanted to end it all. I believe one of the kids once arrived just in time.

I know him from a reportage on television. He was an artist who made beautiful but intriguing metal sculptures.

Finally Princess and The Father divorced. After that, I can’t say if it was a year or more later, on the day Princess held her birthday party, the kids found their father whom had finally decided to end it. They decided to go to his place and say hi. They stayed with him for more than an hour before help arrived.

I cannot start to imagine how this must have been for Princess’s kids. I know what she told me though and the grief of her children indescribable.

I do understand how Princess’s kids see me as the enemy, the man who should not be there, at their mother’s side.
Really, I can relate to that.
On the other hand…


Tomorrow is Princess’s birthday. Weeks ago I started planning a private Shibari tuition at our place. I was lucky Ligatio had time as he and his partner in the middle of moving house.

I kept it a secret for Princess and used The Stranger scenario and the subsequent threesome as a smokescreen. It was mind fucking at its best because doing so I learned a few interesting things by simply observing Princess when I, on a regular basis, unfolded a few details of what I was planning. You know, just checking, I told Princess, to ensure myself she would enjoy the event.

I ended up not only knowing such a scenario was acceptable but also feeling guilty as Princess was looking forward, with obvious reservations, to what I had planned.

So a few days ago I told her I had planned private tuition. I still don’t know if Princess was relieved The Stranger thing was just a smokescreen.

Princess was thrilled and we were looking forward to the workshop. It is not really the way I do things but I did not even bother making a backup plan.

This morning I got a text message from an unknown number.

Apparently he had a sawing accident that not only injured badly his thumb but also broke his wrist. He hoped we could get together in 6 weeks or so. I wished him well, told him I was still looking forward in getting tuition from him. I was at work she I kept it short but wrote a lengthier email when I arrived at home. To show there were no hard feelings I asked for 4 hours instead of 3.

Shit happens and I really hope he will be fine with no consequences for his fingers or hand.

There I was with no backup plan.
Think Franco, think.

It did not take long for inspiration to visit me. On Esinem’s Shibariclasses I enrolled in a hip harness tutorial so I can start doing something new tomorrow with Princess.

We’ll have dinner first, Sushi of course, then back to our place for some intense rope bondage. I’ll show her the short movie Kinbaku and I also got a little present for Princess.

Meanwhile I got the 6mm hemp rope and the Japanese Tsubaki Oil. During the weekend I boiled 2 meters, dried and stretched it to find out the difference.

The hemp is much softer but I have no experience using it yet. I’ll be preparing some rope and treat it with the Tsubaki Oil. The rope’s breaking strength is about 285 kilos’ so I’ll probably use it for suspension and not for the bondage. I prefer the thinner jute rope for tying. Maybe I’ll also get some 4mm hemp rope.

Bulk 6mm hemp rope and a bottle of Tsubaki Oil
Bulk 6mm hemp rope and a bottle of Tsubaki Oil











Full Suspension

“What I would love to achieve is to master as much of the technics as possible in order to be creative without the need of thinking about the tying itself. I want to concentrate on my interaction with Princess.”

I wrote the above a few days ago in an email. I’ve been corresponding with X. for some time now. Gradually we connected and I am pretty sure he now knows what I want from him.

The ties themselves can be learned from a book.

How one ties, the caveats and shortcuts, advantages and disadvantages of the materials used, can only be learned from someone who knows what it is about, has experience and knows how to teach. What is tight? What is snug? In a book these words have no real meaning, they have to be faced, shown, discussed.

We are getting there, X. and I and I am sure spending time with him will help me find the road I am seeking.

There is nothing wrong playing with a bunch of different toys. Erotic asphyxiation, pain, submission, impact play, electro play, humiliation, cupping among others, they all bring pleasure. The real art lies in combining them, resulting in a pleasurable, intense and memorable session.

It feels good though to want to master at least something. After tying Princess on occasions, I finally fell in love with rope bondage. This is the domain in which I want to excel.

Princess knows that when I get hooked on something I’ll go the whole nine yards to master it.

* * * *

Yesterday I received the wooden 9” Shibari ring I had ordered little over a week ago at Esinem’s store.
It took some time to tie the ring to a carabineer in order to get the correct distance from the floor. Sometimes I can lose myself in insignificant details.

Then it was time to pick up Princess at her place and once back home we were excited to use the ring. (I’ll need to tie it again as the ring still hangs to low)

We broke in the ring and it went so natural and so easy. It felt as if I had done rope all my life. I am aware it is not the case. I am still very much a rookie.

Anyway I started with a box-tie and it went well. Tight above the breasts, a little looser under Princess’s breasts. I finished the tie with a Mt Fuji halter neck tie.

I attached a safety rope to the box-tie, at the shoulder, made sure the tie was secured and then up, through the ring, down, up and then securing it with a few half-hitches.

The second rope was used as a single column tie around Princess’s thigh, about 6” above the knee-joint, a safe zone. I pulled the rope up and then Princess was standing on one foot. As I wanted to find out how this felt under more stress I lifted Princess’s other leg.

“Still feels good, Milord, but this finally makes no sense as you are still supporting my weight.”

Fuck it, I thought and grabbed another rope, tied it around Princess’s other ankle, lifted and tied the rope around the ring.

OMG, there she was, my Princess, hanging in our living in a full suspension. She felt very comfortable. No tingling, pain, numbness or whatever.

Oh boy, my very first full suspension just happened like that, in a few easy and well calculated moves. I made a photograph. Sorry for the chaos and ugly background, it is my living room as it is.

Gently I pivoted Princess checking constantly if she was well and nothing was feeling bad or uncomfortable.

While writing this I am still amazed. Princess was happy as a clam; it has been her wish since we started doing rope.

I untied Princess after some 6 or 7 minutes air time. The rest of the evening we spent with intense floor-suspension and some teasing with a cane, a massager and the TENS-unit. The latter was a mistake as it brought Princess out of her Zen-like state.

After that we went to bed and surprisingly we did not feel the need for hard fuckery. Pretty soon I turned the lights off. We enjoyed being together in the darkness. I gently made love to Princess and then we fell asleep.

It had been an intense and fun evening and very memorable.

We, Princess and I, are constantly evolving. Yet the common denominator is rope and it is quite powerful. Using rope, the bondage, is a whole new way of connecting with Princess.

My first full suspension. Not a sexy pose or an amazing photograph.
My first full suspension. Not a sexy pose or an amazing photograph.



More rope play

Saturday, January 9th

I spent most of the day making preparations for the evening. Watched clips and dug deeper into the Esinem online training module I am following.
Also I tried to rest and take care of myself as Princess’s heavy cold and laryngitis had obviously rubbed off on me.

Everything is set. Ropes, shears, a few impact toys, Princess’s kimono, candles and playlist among others.

Ready to play
Ready to play

The next 20′ I spend picking up Princess and bringing her home.

We have a drink. Cava with 0% alcohol. The reasons are multiple. Princess is on antibiotics and I want to have a clear head. The third reason is that I find I drink way too much. Not that I’m drunk every day, I never am, I don’t like to lose control. But leisurely drinking a bottle of wine while I write or read, every single evening, could become, over time, a problem.

While I lit the candles Princess undresses, keeping her panties, and slips into her kimono. I do the same, black boxer short and a black shirt. I definitively should get a kimono.

I tell her that whenever she feels uncomfortable, if something hurts or feels numb, to say so immediately. Not only for her own safety but to help me learn to do a better job.


I start with a double column tie around Princess’s ankles and hoist her legs up. Then a double column around her wrists. I use a white ribbon, pull it between her teeth and fasten it behind her head.

I play with Princess, stroke her gently, kiss her, touch her sensitive parts. Hell, her panties are already moist. A slap on the jaw, hair pulling, nipple pinching, Pulling her legs higher.
We don’t talk but I monitor her closely and every now and then I pinch her hand.
She pinches back.

I lower her legs and let the rope drop on her lower body. Her eyes are closed, it is pretty obvious my love is far away, in deep subspace.

I attach the rope to the bight of the tie around her wrists and connect it with the one around her ankles and pull her hands against her thighs. Push Princess on her side, spoon for a while, turn her over again and pull the rope over the ring and put pressure on the line. I am now able to spin Princess around, her butt a pivot point.

I lay down next to her, pull her kimono back a little, play with her erect nipple. Kiss her lips, the ribbon still in its place between her teeth.
The next move is even more fun. I untie her ankles and attach a rope to each of them using a single column tie. Pull them up, Princess is now lying on her back.

I grab the ropes and pull her legs open. Use the sole of my foot putting minor pressure and movements on her pussy. Soon she is making the right noises, I push some more and stop just before she finds release.

Then I loosen all the ropes, drop them, covering Princess. I hold her in my arms, we have a drink.

“Yes please, Milord.”
“Get on you foot then, girl.”

With swift moves, pushing and pulling Princess in place, I tie a reverse box-tie. I am happy that this and other ties are already in my muscle memory.

I then get behind Princess, grab her hair and push my foot against her lower right leg to force her on her knees. Then she is on her back. I attach a safety line to the box-tie and hoist her up, making sure her butt is still on the floor.

Unfortunately, Princess can’t hold this position. Her head, falling backwards, puts a strain on her shoulder and that is a problem area.

I untie, making sure every single rope gently slides over her skin or nipples.

While Princess takes a sip I fasten a 150 cm bamboo pole to the hook, horizontally with the floor.

Bamboo pole as a holding bar for spanking
Bamboo pole as a holding bar for spanking

She smiles, happy, and lift her arms so she can grab the pole. Standing up is Princess’s preferred position for spanking and whipping.

Then we go to bed.
Princess has found a new way to intensify her orgasms even more.

Proactively I put a mattress protector on the bed for Princess to lay on. Her orgasms have become even wetter.

It is some kind of mindfuck she uses where she thinks of herself as simply being sexually used; her body unresistant. The notion “being used” is a huge turn-on for Princess.
I fuck Princess, hard, long, with no mercy and with much played disinterest. Regularly using an other way, different noises, breathing in her ear, whatever, helping her to make-believe different men are fucking her. I am not sure if it helps though.

Later, later, Princess lays in my arms. We are both exhausted. Princess thanks me for an intense evening and the zillion orgasms I gave her. She tells me how she feels so very submissive when we play and even more when she is tied.

From Masters of Sex, a FB Group
From Masters of Sex, a FB Group

We talk about her “being used” button. It is an interesting topic. Princess has no idea where it comes from. But it is a huge turn-on and I want to explore it more in-depth, play with the possibilities it offers.

Source: persian-slutwife.tumblr.com
Source: persian-slutwife.tumblr.com

Not for the first time we talk about our mutual fantasy called “The Stranger”. We talk about the emotional impact and if or how it could compromise our relation.
Princess and I are pretty sure it won’t.

From Rounchy Secrets, a FB group
From Rounchy Secrets, a FB Group

I am not going to elaborate but “The Stranger” fantasy has now become even more real as a scene to be played in a not so far future.

We sleep well, Princess and I.

It is little over nine when we wake up on this Sunday morning. We make love but soon I’m exhausted. My cold and laryngitis have worsened over night.
Still I manage to give her about a hundred, give or take, orgasms.

Then it is noon so I have to drop Princess off at her place.

Source: makemestruggle.tumblr.com
Source: makemestruggle.tumblr.com


Our future plans with rope bondage

Princess’s birthday is coming up, it is in less than a month. This year her birthday falls on a Tuesday, our regular evening and she’ll probably stay till Wednesday, leaving at noon for work.

I want to do something special, like last year when I organized a weekend.

I know Princess digs rope and finds different forms of pleasure in being bound.
Since I had a plug installed in the ceiling of our living room, I find rope bondage more fun as I have more possibilities to be creative.

I am not into suspension. After all I am still a newbie but I do some simple floor-based suspension. I also read about the art and take great care not to harm Princess in any way.

I have been looking for an ‘intermediate’ workshop and wanted to wrap it in a weekend. Even if the workshop itself is quite manageable, financially speaking, traveling to London (Esinem or WykD Dave), Berlin (Steven James aka DasFalke) or Kopenhagen (Scot Kinbaku) is not.

Keep it simple, stupid, I thought.

In December 2013 we followed a basic workshop in The Dungeon and it was excellent. The trainer and his girlfriend took their time and explained everything with lots of passion and patience.

I contacted him a year ago and got some information and prices on private tutoring. I cannot remember why, but I finally dropped the whole idea.

Now I notice how Princess’s eyes twinkle when she looks at the hook and how she enjoys rope play with intense pleasure.

A few days ago I enrolled in an excellent Shibari tutorial by Esinem  and there is also some free stuff like a class on Bondage Safety. Check it out, it is free.

This evening I emailed the guy who did the workshop in Antwerp and asked more information.
A 3-hour session of private tutoring will be my anniversary present for Princess.

I am also waiting eagerly for some Japanese jute (Asanawa) I ordered a few days ago.

Jute rope
Jute rope

My first floor suspension

Tuesday evening, January 5th, 2016

I picked Princess up early in the evening and checked if she had everything she needed with her. Princess was still feeling ill, with a deep and wet sounding cough and a runny nose yet ready to do some rope play.

Unfortunately, we could not play very long because Princess had to start with colon prep for her colonoscopy this Wednesday morning.

So I did a Gote shibari, also known as a takate-toke or box-tie based on a tutorial by Esinem.

I know the tie almost by heart now so I took my time, doing it slowly and in a sensual way. Then I attached a safety-line to the box-tie, helped Princess up and used the hook on my ceiling to tie the safety rope back to Princess.

Obviously I checked Princess constantly, the safety shears within reach.
Then I made a single column tie around her ankle and tied that also to the hook. She was now standing on one leg and still feeling very comfortable without any signs of nerve stress or whatsoever. I had to wipe her nose at several occasions though.

I took some photographs to commemorate my very first floor suspension. Later, on the photographs, I shot using a single studio strobe, I noticed a discoloration of Princess’s arms and foot behind the ties. They are slightly purple although unnoticeable with the naked eye.
For this image I Photoshopped Princess out of the photograph, our living room is not an ideal backdrop.

Rope marks
Rope marks

None of the ties where really tight, I could still easily move a finger under the wraps and the tie around here ankle was really not skin-tight at all.
Does anyone has an explanation? Should I be worried? Is this normal?

After untying Princess, I held her in my arms for a while. Then I made her stand up, attached a horizontal bar to the hook for Princess to hold. I did some impact play and she liked this position as the receiver very much. Bending over the back of our couch is also great but this is Princess’s preferred position for spanking.

Then I made her bowel prep, 1 liter. She had to drink it within an hour followed by 3 glasses of water. To take her mind of the awful drink and unpleasant effects of it, we watched a movie, The Bone Collector.

We didn’t sleep well. Princess because of her cough and the aftereffects of the bowel prep. I because of Princess’s cough and her repeatedly getting out of bed.

This Wednesday morning, I got out of bed at 7:00 am and prepared Princess’s second liter of disgusting booze.

We left for the clinic at 10 am and at noon she had the examination. We got the results soon, everything was fine. No worries.

Not that later I dropped Princess at her place and then I was alone again.

First floor-suspension
First floor-suspension





I want to do more rope bondage

Little over 2 years ago Princess and I attended a Shibari workshop. We learned quite a lot and I bought a bunch of 6mm jute rope. I invested in some books, got the very interesting Esinem video tutorial ‘Japanese Rope Bondage: Tying people, not parcels’.

Yet I did not go further than the box-tie and the reverse box-tie and some basic knots for tying Princess’s ankles to a bamboo stick.
We love playing with rope. It is an intimate and very close dance. It is about skin on skin. It is about trust, being close, feeling warmth. Enjoying her shivering when rope travels gently over Princess’s skin.

http://rope-topia.com/ (c) WykD_Dave & Clover
(c) WykD_Dave & Clover

I know she would love to do more rope bondage. Me too but for some reason I never get to it. Yet I adore watching Shibari clips and wish I was able to do at least a quarter of what these artists can.
Yes, one gets there by practicing.
No, I don’t practice enough.

Princess has been asking me more than once to spend more time doing rope play. I want to pleasure her and myself.

Why do I more bondage in the Dungeon than at home? It certainly is not so much about the place. It is about the tools.
The hoist for example. Not for full suspension but more about the pleasures and creativity that goes with floor suspension. The weight of the model remains on the floor but one can pull up limbs or place the model on her knees while she is held by rope tied to a hoist/plug.

A bamboo pole, placed against a model’s back, her arms spread and tied. The pole itself can be hoisted while the model remains seated on the floor.

I guess I needed a kick in the butt to get me started, to motivate me more.

This afternoon a professional handyman came to my place. He drilled a hole in the ceiling and installed a plug. It did carry his weight and he assured me it was safe.

Little A. was curious and asked what the plug was for.
Obviously I could not tell my daughter it was to tie Princess up and have her dangling from the ceiling. So I told her I was thinking about getting a punching ball.
She laughed and went back to her room. I am sure she did not believe me.

I can’t wait to do some rope play with Princess but I’ll have to be patient as Little A. is staying with me.