Category Archives: Up close & personal

Here I would like to categorize the posts about important moments and thoughts that influence our life together, kind of a personal diary.

New life

We finally went to bed, Princess and I.
It was still December 25th, 23:47.

Slowly I peeled all that sexy clothing of her body, my personal Xmas present.

We mixed pleasure with pain and I made Princess cum and held her in my arms, caressing her. Aftercare is so important, so very intimate.

Fucked her thoroughly the way she loves it.
Fucked her hard, pulling her hair and choking her and painfully pinching her buttocks and nipples.

Think I switched off the light at 02:00.

A text at 05:03 woke us up but it was false alarm. Just one of her daughters with stomach pain asking what she could do about it.
“Did you sleep well?” I asked Princess after she had texted back.
“No, not really, I’m feeling nervous.”
Her hand caressed my jaw and I instantly became hard.
“Can I be of some help?” I asked.
I could almost feel her smile in the darkness of our bedroom.
Once again I made her cum and we kissed and fell asleep.

We woke up at 10:00.
Enjoyed the moment, the tender kisses and the love one feels when one opens his/her eyes and sees the beloved one.
Princess was giving me head when her iPhone started ringing.
“Sorry, I can’t talk now.”
“No, I’m busy.”
“Okay, call you back in 15 minutes.”

“?” I asked.
“My eldest one,” Princess told me.
“They are going to force the delivery.”

“You should be on you way then,” I told her.
I helped her pack.

When she drove away a cloud pregnant with melancholy filled my heart. It hasn’t left me. I feel so emotional and I don’t know why and yet maybe I do.

Princess is going to help her daughter, a single mom, deliver.
It will be her first grandchild and in some way I feel like I’m going to be a grandfather as I feel connected with her daughter.

I’m so happy for her, for them.
New life.
New love.

And I’m a part of it all.
Lucky me.

The Final Cut

On December 1st, 2006 I left home for work.
That same day, in the evening, I came back and entered my new home.
I had left my wife and my two daughters with approval from a magistrate of the justice of the peace. Forgive me; I’m not sure this is the correct word.

Although I agreed with everything and we didn’t have any property my Ex made it a messy divorce and we both lost thousands of Euros to lawyers for nothing.

January 2007.
I receive an official letter declaring I’m now officially divorced. It didn’t make me happy nor did it make me sad.
It was time to move on.

1. I do not want to fuck around.
2. I am looking for something serious.
3. I do not want more kids as I am happy with my two daughters and I don’t want do create difficult family relations for them. A divorce is already bad enough.

I made an appointment with my family doctor and explained what I wanted.
He took his time, listened to my arguments and asked me al sort of questions. Interesting ones.
Well, I didn’t want more kids and I didn’t want a new partner taking the pill if I could help it. Why can’t a man take his responsibility in birth control?
The good doctor nodded and fired his final question asking me how I would feel knowing I was not futile anymore. Sterile.
I laughed.
Told him I had two wonderful daughters. That I am a hedonist seeking pleasure, not minding of what I ejaculate is unfruitful or not. Pleasure counts now.
He wrote me a prescription for a specialist.
I made an appointment and saw him a few weeks later.
He asked me the same questions my physician had and I satisfied him.
“Okay,” he told me. “I’ll see you in two weeks. Think it over. If you are still sure we will proceed.”

One morning, one month later, I parked my car at the hospital and checked in.
I got my vasectomy and in the late afternoon of that same day I checked out, got in my car and drove back home.
The nurses voice still echoed in my head.
“No sex for at least two weeks, Sir.”
I nodded and tried to look desperate and sighed “No????”
“No Sir. I’m sorry.”

No sweat, I was alone, there was nobody to fuck anyway.

Good thing though I still felt 100% a man.
A potent Dom.

Final Cut
Final Cut

Thoughts – December 26, 2012

Xmas Evening.
Like every year I ‘m home alone but one get’s used to it.
My daughters spend the evening with their mom and Princess with her family. We did text though and around midnight Princess phoned me as little A. did.
I did write a lot, had a couple of beers and watched the movie “Eyes Wide Shut”.

Little A. arrived in the early afternoon at my place. We exchanged gifts, she we extremely happy with what I had gotten her.

The bigger part of the afternoon she spend in front of my iMac playing the new add-on pack for The Sims 3. Then she had to leave.

Later that evening Princess arrived and wow did she look stunning in her sexy dress drawing all attention to her delicious cleavage.
She smiled and wished me a happy Christmas.
“I never ever go out like this,” she told me, “this is just for you. An appetizer.”
“Love it,” I told her.

Princess arranged her gifts under my small Christmas tree.
“Big A. hasn’t been here yet?” she noticed.
“Not yet my love but I guess…”
Then the doorbell rang announcing Big A. and M. her boyfriend.

I gave Big A. her gifts and I found it funny seeing M. trying very hard not to look at Princess’ delicacies.

After they were gone we enjoyed the cheese platter and delicious red wine Princess had brought with her.

Princess pampered me with gifts that made me very happy. There is one gift though I like to mention, just to make things clear, certainly for you who read my post about “It started with a quarrel”.
Princess and kids spend Xmas Eve with the parents of her kid’s father and they were sad I could not be there but they understood the issues their grandchildren have with a new partner in their mother’s life.
There was a present for us both though, a voucher for a Wellness Weekend.
I promised myself I would never ever bring up this not being accepted shit up again.
Time heals everything; I just have to be patient.

We talked about a thousand things, Princess and I, smiling at each other and feeling so happy being together. Having each other to trust, to cherish, to love and to rely on.

Trust me on this, I have had my part of relationships but with Princess I finally found what I was looking for all my life.

She is the one. No doubt about that.
Finally it was bedtime.

Princess blew out the candles while I showered and she took the wine glasses to our bedroom. Made up the bed, lit some candles and waited for me.

I made sure her iPhone was on the night table with the sound volume at 100%. Her pregnant daughter is way over time.


My Xmas Tree
My Xmas Tree

Thoughts – December 17, 2012

I simply want to share that I have once again enjoyed a wonderful and intense weekend.

Little A. stayed with me and we had lots of fun although she had to study for her school exams. Then Big A. visited me on Saturday, it was her 19th birthday. She didn’t stay very long preferring the company of her boyfriend and who can blame her for that?

And of course Princess stayed with me overnight on Saturday and I just drove her home after an incredible intense Sunday evening. The tenderness, the love, the passion, it was all there and we talked for a while about things that are important to both of us. Being able to talk and to listen to each other is so important.

I’m a happy man with my daughters but so fortunate having Princess in my life. And our relationship is still becoming stronger and deeper.

I’ve still 5 hours of sleep left before I have to leave for work.
Five hours I can use to dream about Princess.

Thoughts – December 11, 2012

I am not going to number these thoughts of mine, I’ll simple add the date of creation.

It is Tuesday and tomorrow the date will be 12.12.12 and it will be the last recurrent date during my life.
Believe me, it is also your last time.
Think about it.

Princess was at my place. We talked a little, we drank some Cava and then I took her to my bedroom and tied Princess to my bed lying on her stomach and I used the bamboo stick she had bought me.

3 Feet of bamboo, the effect on her buttocks depends on where I hold the stick. Holding it at the end, it is as a whip but when I hold it in the middle it is as rigid as a ruler.
She loved the feeling, I loved the sound the wood made on her soft flesh and yet I was holding back. In the end Princess told me she felt she could take a much harder beating and I was aware I wanted to give her that. I didn’t though.

We don’t live together and at her home, with her daughters, they don’t lock the bathroom door. I do not want to confront her kids with the scars I leave on their mom’s buttocks or back. I do not want Princess have to explain to them the unspeakable. So I hold back and fuck, I hate it, as I do want to leave traces on her skin. Princess thanks me for the pain but whispers “Milord, I wanted more, I could have taken much more pain.”

Yet, as her Dominant I must also be a responsible person so I do not want her kids to be troubled nor do I want Princess have to explain what can’t be explained nor understood by teenagers.

Boy do I love the aftercare; when things have been so intense, taking the time to wind down together, this physical affection, to talk over how things went. To be close and to tell Princess how great she has been and to kiss her ever so gently.

I want to mark you, Princess, with my whip and my soul and my love.

Forever, a tattoo, so you can trace it with your fingertips and think of me and feel me close.

You and I, Princess.

Princess cuffed
Princess cuffed

Some thoughts

This evening I was home later than usual due to heavy traffic around Brussels where I work.
Stored the groceries in the fridge and took a quick shower.
Brushed my teeth, got dressed again and went to the living where, to my surprise, Princess was waiting for me.
“I’m hungry”, she told me.
“How much time do we have?”
“25′ or so.”
I sighed. Not enough time to cook and eat and enjoy.
“Will a kiss do as a meal?” I asked.
She smiled and nodded, taking me by the hand, pulling me closer to her.

So we got on the sofa, cuddled, kissed and talked. And kissed some more.
“Is it my imagination or have we grown even more closer these last few months?” I asked Princess.
“You are much calmer, more self-confident and the trust we now have in each other has a very positive impact on our relation, yes. And the playing has helped in a very positive way.”
We kissed some more and then, suddenly, our time was up.
“Love you”, Princess told me. I could read it in her eyes, taste it on her lips too.
Then she was gone.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang. Big A. with her laptop I had given her a few years ago. It was broken but big A. hoped I could access her files in some way or another as she was desperately looking for some images of her dear friend who passed away in a car crash yesterday.

Used a screwdriver to open the laptop and got the hard disk out. Connected it to my iMac, I have a kit to connect hard drives.
There were her folders. She browsed and browsed through them but with no result. No photographs of her former boyfriend.
“Guess I deleted them when we broke up,” she said. “Hell, if I had known.”
“We never do,” I told her, “and that is a good thing. Life would be unbearable if we knew the expiration date of those we love and care for.”
“Sure dad”, she answered and I felt she didn’t understand what I had just told her.
She gave me a kiss on my cheek.
Then she was gone too.

I had a whole evening to myself.

Well not entirely as I’m reading Sophie Morgans “Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening” and I must say I enjoy this book very much.

Encounter with the past

When I was 19 I started my second year in Art School where I was following photography.
A newcomer in the first year, Anna C., became my first girlfriend.
Her parents were very rich, owning a Jaguar and a Porsche and Anna had a horse. Her father, a CEO, disliked me but tolerated my presence; her mother was a very good cook

Anna had a small face buried in lots of black hair and what was left was hidden behind big and thick glasses. We never did much, sexually speaking. A lot of kissing, a few occasional fondling with her breasts and I remember fingering twice. She never played with me, never showed any interest in my body. What I do remember though, on a few occasions, while grooming her horse with a currycomb, the animal got an erection and she liked to caress it.
When I left school we broke up and I never saw her again.

Slowly my memories of Anna C. got buried under dust and finally she disappeared completely out of my mind.

Now more than 3 decades have gone by since we said goodbye for the last time.

Some six months ago I got a Facebook friend request from Fred C. living in the same village were Anna used to live. There was no photograph attached to his profile.
I remembered Anna having a sister, no brother though and the name Fred didn’t ring a bell. I didn’t accept nor reject the invitation, just waited to see what would happen next.

Fred finally sent me a private message. I replied and got a long answer back.
Apparently Anna got married and gave birth twice, a boy and a girl. Anna wrote me how over the years she had come to struggle more and more with her sexual identity and decided to undergo complete transgender surgery. It had been hard, difficult and painful but he felt happy now and his kids had accepted him and his partner had stayed faithfully at his side.
Wow I thought. And that was all I could say or think.

Two weeks ago I took Little A., my youngest daughter, to the annual Antwerp Book fair.
She was browsing through some books; I was waiting patiently when suddenly I heard my name called.
“Franco? Franco, is that really you?”
I turned around and did not recognize the middle-aged man standing in front of me. He was getting bald and had a long grey beard and behind small glasses his eyes were shining joyfully.
Automatically I shook his hand.
“I’m Fred,” he said, “and it is so nice to see you again.”

I’m known to be very to the point, and it is hard to sweep me from my feet, but boy, I was standing there as if I had been frozen. I didn’t know what to say or where to look. It felt awkward, uncanny, strange, unsettling.

Finally I met his eyes and saw Anna in them.
“What a surprise,” I said and that was it and we where left with some minutes of painful silence.

We said once again goodbye and I watched him walk away still feeling completely flabbergasted.

Little A. brought me back to reality.
“Who was that?”
“My first love,” I told her.

Her jaw felt open, her eyes almost popped out of her head and I could almost see her thinking, my father!!! With a MAN?

I smiled and told my 12-year old daughter in a few words the story. She nodded, didn’t say much, just accepting it.

We enjoyed a pleasant afternoon, Little A. and I, although I was unable to wipe this encounter away and my minds eye focused all the time on Fred’s face.

Don’t get me wrong on this. I am really very broad-minded and accept almost everything. People are all different and this versatility is fascinating. I do no judge or condemn people. I’m happy Anna found a solution, that she is happy and that her close relatives didn’t let her/him go.
Yet, seeing your first sweetheart back as a man, it felt so strange.

Later that evening Princess dropped by and she noticed that I was feeling uneasy. I told her about my brief encounter, she already knew the rest of the story.

Princess took me in her arms and softly blew away my unpleasant thoughts.

Sexus, Nexus

Princess arrived late at my place this Wednesday morning. Usually she drops her youngest kid at school, comes over to my place, lets herself in and sneaks into my bed. This happens usually around 8:35 am or so.

It was 10 past 10 and I was writing when I heard her knocking at my door. Then she came in.

“Hi “, she said, “sorry I’m so late, hell, I broke all the speed limits to get her a.s.a.p.”
“Never ever do that again”, I replied. “You’ll win 40 seconds or so, it isn’t worth it.”
Took her in my arms, we kissed, I looked in her eyes, so beautiful, felt an urge to cry, Princess is so kind, so loving, so gentle with me, so understanding.
Sometimes I think I must have died without knowing it and now I have my personal angel looking after me.

“Sorry”, she said again, “we don’t have much time.”

I gently caressed her cheek; she closed her eyes, loving my soft touches.
“Let’s go to bed,” I whispered.
“Yes, please,” she murmured.
So we did.
We got undressed, skin on skin, such a wonderful feeling. Kissing like made, our hands everywhere.

Soon her tongue was playing with my nipples, then going down, taking it all in, enjoying it, playful and so much variation. It was maddening.
Guess she felt I was getting there so she stopped, sat on me, offering me her breasts, then suddenly, her pussy was hovering above my mouth. O boy, she was soaking wet and she tasted so good.
Turned her on her back, mounted her in one single movement, violently, Princess loves it that way. Teasing her with rapid and deep movements, then just letting my gland enter.
After a while we heard the sopping sounds, she was now really wet.
“Lick me”, she demanded.
“Yes ma’am.”
Went down on her, Princess is so delicious.
Finished her off with two fingers and a tongue that was everywhere.
“Oh boy,” she sighed when I took her in my arms.
I caressed her for a while.
Then her tongue was on my nipples again.
“Play with yourself,” she groaned.
A few moments later I was ready to explode, she felt it, sensed it, her mouth was at the right place when I finally unloaded and she got it all.
Kissed me afterwards, Princess hadn’t swallowed it all.
Tasted my semen in her mouth and almost came a second time.

Ten minutes later we had some tea. We had made love for almost an hour and a half, a quickie to our standards. And for the first time in weeks we had experienced 100% vanilla sex. No nipple squeezing or hair pulling (me) or scratching my skin until I bleed (she).
Just plain everyday vanilla sex and it had been great. Well kind of.

Then Princess left, she had to pick up her kid at school.

I put one some clothes, made a few phone calls and left home shortly after.
Forty minutes later I slid my Visa card in a machine and tapped my security code. The terminal beeped happily.
“Here you are, Sir,” the guy said. “You have a standard 2 year warranty.”
“Thank you,” I replied and left the store with a Google Nexus 7, 32 Gb. version.

The discovery of Princess

September 6th. 2011.
My Ex phoned me late that afternoon on my cellular. She couldn’t make it to the parent’s evening at the school of my youngest daughter and asked if I would go.
Sure, I told her. Hell, I didn’t have anything planned and it was still better than sitting home alone feeling sorry about myself not having someone in my life.

At 19:45 I walked leisurely to the school, entered the entrance hall and was offered a glass of Cava that tasted like cow piss, not that I have any experience in that domain.

Already bored I looked around and then suddenly I saw her. It is so hard to describe what I felt. Like electricity flowing through my body maybe; or as if my heart had been jump started after my sudden death.
She was a magnet to my eyes and it seemed as every light in the hall was contributing putting her in the spotlight, making her long blonde hair shine like pure gold.
Without any hesitation every nerve, every cell in my body knew she was the one, that I finally had found my Grail. My journey, my quest had finally come to its end.

My mouth was dry, my heart beating as mad when I decided to walk up to her and say hi.
O my god, she is so lovely with that voluptuous blonde hair and her beautiful eyes I want to lose myself in.
“Hi”, I said, stumbling over my words, approaching an unknown woman like that, I would never have done that, this was new, I was driven by an unknown force.
She smiled at me and we exchanged names and some small talk.
It turned out she was the mom of one of my daughter’s friends.

I made sure I was in the classroom before she entered, I saw a light hesitation but she came over and sat down next to me. Boy was I nervous, going through the stuff in the desk I was sitting at, pulling out an agenda and reading the name on it.
This was really uncanny; I was sitting at my daughter’s desk.
I pulled myself together, wrote a small note, slid it in her agenda on the date of the next day.
Listened to the speeches, exchanged some words with L. and then it was over and we all left the classroom.
I almost let her go, then, pulling myself together once more I ran for it, saying, stumbling, I would love to see you again.
Once again she smiled and said yes and 10 minutes later I was on my way home with her telephone number on a small piece of paper burning in my pocket.

Our anniversary date is September 20th, and that evening I took her to a sushi bar and we talked and talked. We decided to see each other again.

We made love for the first time 3 weeks later and it was overwhelming, pure, intense and for one reason or another I seemed to be pushing all the right buttons. It was vanilla sex but I had never ever experienced it like this, just pure magic, two people completely connecting, and becoming one as it is supposed to be.

Months later, during one of our long afternoons of heavy breathing I grabbed her hair violently, pulling and forcing her head away from my mouth, I wanted to look her in the eyes while I was fucking her.

Her reaction was immediate, she moaned, sighed and almost came. Her eyes closed, a grin in her face I now recognize as total sexual surrender.
A few weeks later, same reaction when I put my hand on her throat, or later on, using her panties to attach her wrists.

Slowly our lovemaking evolved to a phase where I dominated every inch of her sexuality, using only my hands, legs and an occasional panty to restrain her, controlling her.

Finally that evolved too as inflicting pain started dancing with lust. She told me she desired that I would slap her behind. After that I started pinching her nipples. The first time she used her stop word, but now she can stand even clothespins on her nipples, tongue and labia. She is an avid learner.
She is Princess; my submissive a name that just came up naturally.

It was only a month or two ago we started really talking about our feelings, the shift in our lovemaking. One of the reasons of the strength of our relationship is the fact that we can freely communicate with each other.
We both understood we where now engaging in a real S&M relationship adding some bondage.

Toys were introduced, like a blindfold, leather cuffs and several whips, all different, each responsible for another kind of excruciating pain.
The feeling I have afterwards, taking care of Princess, holding her, comforting her, telling Princess how much I love her is more intense than my own orgasms. Being her Master, in every sense of the world is so incredible gratifying.

This morning we talked again, lying in bed, surrounded by the smell of rough and intense lovemaking. The radio controlled egg I had inserted in her made her go berserk.
She told me she trusted me completely, that I owned her body, her sexuality, that she was committed in pleasuring me.

She is Princess, with a capital P.
Yes, with a capital P.
She gives herself completely but I could not be what I am without her thus in a way Princess is a Master too.

We are one.
Princess and I.

Shopping pleasure

I love to shop for ordinary everyday stuff, wandering around, letting my fantasy lead me. There is so much one can use to play with.

What did I find today? Well, first I wanted to surprise Princess with a new whip. This I found in our local horse shop.
A small brush and a wooden spatula seemed useful too.
Then I visited a fishing store and bought some weights I will be painting red with nail varnish.

A weight will be attached to a clothespin using elastic bands so they can go up and down. These clothespins will be pinched on Princesses labia and then she can move around the house.