The weekend was awesome and I am still savoring the intense moments Princess and I shared. Our Friday evening play is still very prominent present and we can’t stop talking about it.
Saturday evening Princess and I watched the 1994 movie “The Shawshank Redemption” with Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. We both enjoyed the film very much. Princess was astonished to learn the story was written by Stephen King assuming the man only writes horror.
Then we went to bed and made vanilla love and at several occasions Princess chuckled when, out of habit, I grabbed her hair, hesitated and then didn’t pull, or my hand dwelling over her behind without scratching or pinching. It was fun but we missed the rough part though.
Just before turning the lights off Princess told me she was still overwhelmed by what happened Friday evening.
Sunday morning we fetched Stella and Star, I dropped them at Princesses’ place and went home and spent a calm day reading, surfing and writing. In the evening I fetched Princess, Stella and Star and drove them back to “4”, the mother/baby care unit.
After that Princess and I made love at my place, it was delicious and I was able to cum and it felt great. Just before midnight I drove Princess to her place, came back and had a good night sleep.
So now I am at the office and there is not much happening so I was able to do a dry-run.
Yesterday I visited a WordPress blog but is was gone and the message on the screen told me the account was closed due to violation of WordPress rules.
Time for some action before being the next victim of WordPress’ censorship.
I downloaded and installed WAMP on my PC at work and after that I had a perfect working web server with MySql and PHP. After exporting a backup XML-file from my blog and installing a MySQL database on my PC, I installed WordPress and imported the XML-file.
Within 20’ I had a working copy of my blog running locally on my PC so that seems to be a no-brainer.
I have found a cheap hosting formula and the only thing that is preventing me of signing up is the domain name I have to choose. Frankly, I have no idea as most extensions I can use with francobolli are already taken.
I have two I like:
francobolli.org.uk or francobolli.name
I’ll ask Princess for her opinion but input from you, Readers, is most welcome too.
Friday in the early evening Princess and I went to our weekly dance lesson. Afterwards we enjoyed a drink with some friends on the terrace before my Love had to leave.
I had about 45′ minutes before Princess would return from picking up her daughter Ar at work and dropping her at home.
Some time ago I had bought an old chapel chair with a reed sitting for Princess but we hadn’t baptized it yet.
I set it up in the living room, shoving one piece of the sofa aside and turning the other half around so Princess could lean on it while watching the iMac 27″ screen. Prepared a movie and a playlist too and made sure the remote control of the Mac was at my fingertips.
Then I prepared two dark brown bath towels, one on the floor and one spread on the couch. Prepared a smaller one for myself, I get rather sweaty when we are playing, and finally lit a few dozen candles and closed the curtains.
After a shower and putting on my black undies, very sexy, designed by Valentino I was ready and, more important, I was now Milord, eagerly waiting for his lovely Princess to arrive and to completely submit to Him and His wishes; wantonness racing through my body, my mind and my soul.
“Wow,” she simply whispered and I could tell Princess was really blown away by the brooding atmosphere and already trembling in anticipation.
I grabbed her hair and kissed my love the pushing her in the living room.
“Ready?” I murmured.
I collared her and asked her if she needed to be cleaned.
“Yes Milord, I do. Please.”
I attached the leash to her collar and lead her to the bathroom where I undressed and washed her and inspected her and kissed Princess taking her back to the main room.
We started playing and it was one of the most memorable scenes I’ve ever played, 4 of them with aftercare in-between each of them.
Finally Princess and I played for a little more than 4 hours, a first one.
It was indescribably awesome, unforgettable and so very intense and extreme.
After playing we went to bed and on Princesses request we played an extra scene, she wanted me to inflict even intenser pain and Princess lost herself into deep subspace, another first. Well, no true, she had been in subspace before but not that unfathomable deep yet. I did my best to comfort and sooth her, make her feel comfy and safe and when she came back she simply smiled and thanked me and we fell asleep.
Yesterday Princess texted me telling me she would arrive at my place at 19:00 and was looking forward being with me and badly wanted to play.
Princess took me a little by surprise, as I had not imagined her arriving so early. I had clothes drying in the laundry parlor and hadn’t eaten yet.
We fetched my clothes and then I took her to an Egyptian restaurant not far from where I live and outside, at the terrace, we enjoyed some delicious Shoarma.
Back home I took Princess to the bathroom to wash her when her cellular beeped.
A message from Stella telling she was feeling terrible and suffering intense abdominal cramps and if Princess could bring something that could take away the pain.
Stella spend a prolonged weekend with Star in her apartment, trying if she could coop without help, and I would take her to ‘4’, the mother/care unit on Wednesday morning.
We drove to Star, 10′ from where I live and gave her some Buscopan, stayed with her for a while, I heating a towel with hot water to put on her belly.
It is very difficult to know exactly how Stella feels because of her tendency for psychosis she often amplifies what she experiences. Princess had some cramps too so we thought it was only bad digestion.
Stella was getting tired so we left and at home I washed Princess and played with her for a short time but it was very intense and my love climaxed multiple times while lying bondaged on the floor and had a few more orgasms in bed before we fell asleep.
It must have been 2 am or so when Princess’ iPhone came to life.
It was Stella calling.
She couldn’t sleep, she was feeling very bad, the pain in her abdomen unsupportable and she couldn’t stop vomiting asking Princess to drive her to “4”.
Princess reasoned with her and they ended the conversation with a “we’ll see tomorrow morning” while I was drifting away in my sleep.
Seconds later my smart phone rang.
Stella again, pleading to take her and Star to the mother/care unit and I felt bad and helpless and Princess then took the call and told her we couldn’t and we would see in the morning.
At 06:00 Stella texted me asking to call her as her prepaid card was empty.
She was weeping and the pain horrendous and Princess, still half asleep gave me the phone number of their family doctor and I repeated it to Stella so she could call him.
We fell back asleep, Princess and I but not for long though.
Stella called her mother 20′ later asking to bring her a.s.a.p. to the nearest hospital. The family physician had diagnosed appendicitis.
Wednesday is my free day and Princess had to go to her work; not going is not an option.
I got out of bed and dressed and drove to Stella’s place and picked them both up, ignoring Stella’s pleas for an ambulance and staying calm and enduring while Stella went into overdrive.
Some 20′ later we arrived at the ER and I comforted Stella and then made a bottle of milk for Star, asked where I could find a microwave oven, fed her and made her say “blurps” and the baby girl vomited on me and I smiled because it was like having a little family over again. I felt so alive, so filled with love, just wanting to care for these two wonderful persons like I do for Princess.
Finally the diagnosis was confirmed and I phoned Princess and she was able to get free from work.
When she arrived I felt my emotions surface but I think I was able to mask it. I know I do very well in a stress situation like this but when I’m discharged or the incident is dealt with I get very emotional.
Princess and I filled in the necessary documents and then divided tasks.
I had to be back home because I had an appointment with my garage in the afternoon and Star could not stay at the hospital
So I drove home with Star to Stella’s home and when I arrived I put Star in her little bed, she was exhausted and thus very difficult.
Did some dishwashing and waited for Bo (20) and her little sister Kay, two of Princess’s daughters to arrive. It was raining and it is so silly, I know, but both girls preferred coming by bicycle rather than me picking them up at Princesses place. Even if Bo does not know me and she has no desire to change this, she and Ar (19) and The Boy (16) don’t like me although this is slowly changing.
So I quickly explained the situation not wanting to stay long so Bo wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with me in her sister’s apartment.
Bo thanked me twice for taking care of Star though.
I wrote my cellphone number down for Bo and left and went back home.
I was dog-tired Saturday evening when driving back from the coast. We dropped Stella and Star at the “4”, the mother/baby unit and when we left Stella gave me an even bigger hug than that I’m used to and Star smiled and drooled and blew bubbles.
Finally we arrived at my place and Princess ran a bath and we took our time, talking about a zillion things, holding and washing each other.
After the bath I felt reborn, my fatigue washed away and replaced by desire.
Princess saw it in my eyes.
“Am I in trouble, Milord?” she whispered.
I nodded, grabbing her hair and directing her to the living room.
“Stand still and wait,” I ordered and went to our bedroom to get some stuff
out of the chest-of-drawers.
When I came back Princess was still standing the way I had left her, hands on her buttocks, shoulders pulled back a little. She has her moments, my Princess, and she can be a good girl.
I pulled the towel from her body while looking her straight in the eye and then pinched her nipples viciously.
“I am going to fuck you silly,” I warned her, kicking with my foot against her ankles making her spread her legs.
While vigorously kissing her I teased her between her thighs. It didn’t take long for Princess to get wet and ready.
Once again I grabbed her hair and pulled her over the back of my sofa so her ass was in the air.
I lubed them in my mouth and then effortlessly pushed the two steel Ben Wa balls (30 grams each) in her.
Princess sighed when my hand hit the curve of her buttocks and I vaguely heard the two balls making a ticking sound deep in her. Merciless I spanked her, hard, not holding back, then stopped and added a finishing touch with the riding crop.
She had her eyes closed, my Princess, and was making little noises indicating she was enjoying every moment. Her lips open, juices dripping on the floor. She was ready for me.
I grabbed her hips and pushed myself in her very slowly and it was simply maddening. Princess moaned, moving her hips urging me to spear her.
Of course I didn’t and just moved in and out, millimeter per millimeter then trusting forward, my belly smacking against her buttocks and back to the slow pace.
On a few occasions I felt the Ben Wa balls against my gland and is was a pleasant sensation as it generated hot thoughts in my brain.
Her body tensed and she was ready to climax.
I let loose of her hips and spanked her twice.
“Come for me. NOW,” I hissed.
Princess did but I was not happy, feeling she could do better.
Hell, she knew very well what I wanted.
I told her so and she said she was so sorry and would try to be a good girl.
“Again,” I told her and grabbed her hips and pushed myself in her again and with my flogger I gently caressed her shoulders and with my other hand I spanked her.
It did not take much time before I felt her pussy pulsing and squeezing my cock.
I bend forward, pinched her nipples and grabbed her hair once again pulling her head backwards.
“DO IT,” I told her, pulling myself out of her, “please me.”
There was one long moan and then I heard the familiar and arousing sound of her juices splattering in the flagstone floor followed by the hard sound of the two balls she could not hold up anymore. I love it when she ejaculates and each time I remember that evening when she looked at me in disbelief when I told her I was going to let her spray her juices like a man.
My Princess, my love, her legs trembling, her skin covered with shiny pearls of sweat.
I took her in my arms. Princess could hardly stand straight and I kissed her, hugged her and soothed her, petting her hair, calming her down, feeling how her heart pounded and how she was breathing heavily.
Led Princess to our bed and helped her lay down, covering her up.
“I’ll be with you in a moment,” I whispered.
When I came back she was smiling and she told me she wanted more.
We kissed and I pulled her over me and Princess took me and then I turned on my side, holding her in my arms, facing each other and I started moving, thrusting harder and harder.
Soon there was only the sound of my belly slapping against her behind and then I felt a warm fluid running over my thigh and she made only one sound, a deep “oh”. She shivered, my love, my Princess and it became intense as if she was electrocuted, whining and mumbling how much she loved me. Sighing she was going to die.
Princess murmured a vague sorry for the sheets and then she was gone.
I didn’t move for a long time.
I just held her.
When Princess came back she looked at me, amazed and happy, her beautiful eyes filled with tears.
“This was so awesome, Milord. I cannot begin to imagine it being even better than this.”
I just pressed my lips against her forehead and smiled.
Saturday afternoon, Vlissingen, The Netherlands.
Star was getting hungry so Princess, Stella and I found an empty table on a terrace and enjoyed a beer while Princess gave Star her fruit puree.
“Hey Franco, what’s the matter? You seem miles away,” I heard Stella ask, pulling me out of my daydream.
“Nothing special,” I smiled, “just enjoying the moment”.
As a matter of fact I was miles away, still savoring our visit to The Fetish Café which, obviously, I could not reveal to Stella.
Ah, the possibilities lying in front of us.
Playing in a new environment, a real dungeon no less, filled with all sorts of goodies. Meeting people and expanding our horizon, getting new ideas.
For our first private party, maybe even more than one, we would see which way the wind’s blowing before getting our hands dirty.
Atmosphere and people attending to the events are equally important and we should feel safe and at ease, not being pushed or accosted by other attendees.
It would be sad if our first experience would be spoiled in some way.
Looking at other people will satisfy my voyeuristic tendencies and I already know I will have no problem whatsoever showing myself. But am I ready to show Princess, revealing her beauty to others?
I am curious how it will feel playing while other people are watching us.
So many new experiences waiting…
We should go shopping too, Princess and I. She will need something special to wear, a Latex dress maybe or a gorgeous and very sensual lace corset top.
Just the idea getting sexy clothes for Princess is already titillating and something to look forward to.
“Do you want to hold Star for a moment?” Princess asked.
I took Star in my arms giving her a tiny kiss and she chuckled while drooling on my T-shirt. She is such a lovely and joyful baby.
Here I was, sitting and enjoying just the simplest of things with Princess, my love, my everything. Holding her daughter’s baby, me, a surrogate grandpa, and with so much good things happening around me, around us.
Hell I thought and thanked an unnamed entity for making my life so worthwhile, so magnificent and filled with laughter and happiness. And love, oh boy, so much intense and unconditional love.
It hasn’t always been that way but fuck, it is the here and know that counts.
And our future.
Past Friday we visited The Fetish Café in Antwerp and for both of us it was the first time we took our D/s lifestyle to the outside world.
This is our account of the evening.
Note: The Fetish Café is a public place so the law forbids among others nudity and sexual acts. Saturday evening it is a private club and paid membership is required making nudity and sexual acts possible as long as they are not against the law .
Princess and I did our very best to keep expectations as low as possible so during the week before visiting The Fetish Café we didn’t discuss it.
On Friday Princess was scheduled to arrive around 21:30 at my place with a few dresses for me to choose from. She arrived later and in a bad mood. It turned out her daughter Ar had started a fight with her about nothing important but it had quickly turned sour.
Patiently I waited while Princess texted with her daughter, finally taking the phone and calling Ar while I sat outside in my lying chair enjoying another hot evening, watching stars appear while my eyes adjusted to the dark.
With a smile Princess told me she was finally ready to pick a dress and it was an easy choice as she had only taken one with her.
It was a black dress with a deep cleavage and very, very short and it fitted Princess like a glove, emphasizing her delicious curves. The zipper was in front with a large ring as slider, very teasing and inviting.
“Is it okay?” Princess asked me, worrying because it was so short.
“It is perfect,” I told her, wanting nothing more than to rip it from her body and take her, here and now.
“Not to short?”
“Absolutely not but I do not want you to wear it without me being with you. This dress on your body is screaming sex,” I smiled.
With the high-heeled pumps she was a steal, my Princess, simply gorgeous and desirable and so beautiful.
I opted for a black shirt, black jeans and a black vest, very sober yet classy. Princess loves it when I’m dressed like this.
Before we left I put Princess’ collar in my pocket.
Just in case.
Princess and I were ready to go.
It was 23:15.
We arrived in Antwerp half an hour later. I parked and we walked for some ten minutes before reaching The Fetish Café.
Princess didn’t feel at ease walking in such a short dress and when we passed crowded terraces I’m pretty sure more than one man got a hard-on.
She really was that stunning and I felt incredible proud being at her side.
Finally we stood before the entrance, a small and discrete neon sign simply indicating The Fetish Café.
Princess and I took a deep breath and entered, descended by a steep stairway and entered The Fetish Café.
The cellars date from the 16th century with impressive vaulted ceilings, the brick walls battered and covered with several centuries of history.
At the wooden bar we were served by a collared lady and the few people present looked like one could find in any local café. No collared people or dressed in a specific way, just your average Joe.
As a matter of a fact I guess we were simply overdressed for the occasion but nobody took any notice of us and very soon we felt entirely at ease.
After a first drink Princess asked the female bartender if we could get a tour.
“Sure,” she replied with a smile, “I’ll ask my Master to guide you around.”
He was in his fifties, had a ponytail and looked also very average and showed us around.
The dungeon, sparsely lit, was awesome and filled with exciting attributes like a Saint Andrew ’s cross and a normal cross both made of old wood, several sorts of cages, a beautiful scaffold and several winches. In a smaller room we saw a swing made of rusty chains and against the walls were numerous metal rings to attach somebody to.
Later that evening Princess told me she felt like a kid entering a candy store and she loved it instantly and could already imagine playing with me in this room.
A young couple gave us a Shibari demonstration. A girl, only dressed in tiny briefs and nipples taped, was the model and we sat down on a wooden bench and watched her being bound and rigged.
I noticed a man entering too, sitting down on the same bench not far from Princess who was sitting very close to me, breathless and enjoying every single moment.
She didn’t notice though how this man, in violation with the house rules, got his dick out and started masturbating while intensely watching the Shibari act but peeking at Princess once in a while too.
When I looked at him again, a minute or so later he had moved closer to Princess.
“Stand up and sit down next to my other side,” I told her.
“Omg,” she gasped, finally noticing what was happening.
“Yes,” I answered, “and I can image him bending over to you asking for a hand.”
“Collar me than, please, Milord, so they’ll know I’m yours and I can feel safe.”
I took the collar out of my pocket and put it gently around her neck.
Princess stayed collared all evening and she was, except for the lady behind the bar, the only one.
The Shibari act was sensual, exciting and beautiful and we talked with the couple afterwards. It turned out he organizes training sessions and we are seriously thinking of attending one of them.
Bondage and spanking are two acts that make Princess go mad, bringing her almost to the point of climaxing.
We had another drink and the bigger part of the evening we spend talking with one of the owners, a sub who answered all our question and we felt good and at ease and we both got more and more excited by the idea of the possibilities laying in front of us.
It was really nice how the owners took their time to make us feel comfy and inform us and stressing the rules of Safe, Sane and Consensual.
At 02:30 we left the place and just before stepping outside I removed Princess’ collar. She had forgotten she was wearing it and felt a little sad after I removed it.
On the way home we looked at each other and we smiled and we knew we would be back very soon to attend the Fetish Lounge Club play fest, for couples only, organized every first Saturday of the month. We feel safe with the idea to be among couples only.
Princess and I are looking forward to meet kindred spirits and learn new tricks and techniques and share ideas on our D/s lifestyle.
For the other manifestations a total of 5 single men are allowed next to the attending couples but for now we find this to menacing .
We didn’t talk much, Princess and I, both still processing the evening and its incitements.
Home we went to bed and we fell asleep almost immediately waking up only a few hours later, still tired, ready for a day at the beach with Stella and Star.
The previous evening stayed on our minds the whole day, building up arousal and excitement in our bodies and minds.
Back home, Saturday evening, after taking a bath, we played for the first time in weeks and it was incredible and very intense.
More on that in a later post 🙂
Yesterday, August 3th, was one of these days I will never forget. Each moment, each second is etched forever in my memories.
Yes, it was such a day, filled with laughter, joy and fun, happiness and togetherness.
Princess and I left early in the morning after a short night, we came home from the Fetish Club at 03:00 and we had to get up at 08:30. Oh boy what a great and fun experience we had. Can’t write about it at the moment as I am still processing these intensive moments and the new possibilities that now lay in front of us.
We picked up Stella and Star at ‘4’, the mother/baby care-unit and took them to Vlissingen, in The Netherlands at the North Sea coast, only an hour’s drive.
Star is 7 months now and a joyful baby girl and Stella is doing extremely well, ready to leave to care unit after 8 months, starting a new life on her own with her daughter.
The weather was great, sunny and warm with a light and refreshing breeze.
We made pictures of ourselves at the beach and even a photograph of the 4 of us, a first for me. Sure, there are photos of Princess and I and Star, or Star and me, but this was a whole new experience when Stella asked me to make one of us all.
Lying on a beach towel we enjoyed the sun, Stella cuddled up against her mother’s left side; I at Princess’ her right and Star somewhere in between. It was such a fine and intimate experience.
Here I am, I thought, with Princess and her eldest daughter and that lovely baby and I remembered our first date, nearly 2 years ago, when Princess told me about her kids, disturbed because the loss of their father, having it difficult to accept their mother with a new man, let alone having him in their house.
It was about Stella, unfortunately even more troubled, with, amongst other things, issues trusting people, that Princess told me the most.
Stella who unfortunately will need professional help in some way or another for the rest of her life.
I then assumed she would be the most difficult to get acquainted with.
Boy was I wrong.
I was sitting at the beach with Princess and Stella and Star. Stella trusts me and it was a process that steadily grew since that horrendous evening a year ago.
Princess had phoned me that evening asking me to come with her to get Stella who had been victim of domestic violence. Princess didn’t like to go alone, as she wasn’t sure the guy was still around.
I entered the house in a small alley. The night had fallen, no streetlights and the house dark and it was so damned quiet, no sound at all.
We found Stella in the bathroom, crawled away in a corner, desperately crying, bruises on her face, the fucker had even hit her belly while she was already pregnant.
So we found Stella and it was the second time we met, the first time very brief, an awkward moment, months before, when she accompanied Princess and we ran into each other on the street.
I insisted she would press charges, drove them to the police station and for the rest of that night I kept a very low profile, just being there for Princess and her daughter, ready when they would need me.
Saw Stella the day after because Princess wanted me to make photographs of the bruises.
It took several months before I saw Stella again when I offered Princess to make the birth announcement cards. Stella came to my place and we worked on the cards.
I held Star in my arms the day after she was born, before some of her sisters or brother had the chance.
The relation grew and grew, trust was gained. Stella accepted me as her mothers partner and accepted me too as, well, I don’t want to give it a name, that is not important.
Yesterday, when we dropped Stella and Star at the mother/baby care unit and when we said goodbye Stella hugged me as she had never done before and it touched me so very deep. It made me smile, it warmed my heart, it made me so happy.
So here I am, I thought.
After two years Princess’s house still only accessible when I fetch Princess or Stella and Star. No sitting down on the sofa, Princess not able to invite me for dinner nor is it possible to enjoy an evening and a few drinks in her garden.
The Boy and Ar and Bo now tolerate my presence if it is only a very short visit. They don’t talk to me but answer most of the time when I talk to them.
Princess and I have still a long way to go before even starting to imagine a night at her place.
They see their mother not that often nowadays as Princess spends about three of four nights a week at my place.
We have the incredible luxury to spend that time together alone without kids.
Well, except for Little A. of course when she is staying a weekend with me but she does not mind as she simply adores Princess.
Princess and I have been talking about it for some time now and we finally made our minds up.
We are expanding our D/s lifestyle to the outside world.
It is a limited step but an important one.
Princess holds a public function making her vulnerable for compromising or awkward situations. I for myself do not care the least as at work I hardly have contact with outside customers, only being confronted, as IT-guy, with some 600 colleagues in the same building. Most of them I know by face and or by name.
So what is it about?
This Friday evening we are going to the well-known Fetish Café in Antwerp for our very first contact with other people from the D/s scene.
The Fetish Café is situated in a small alley in the old center of Antwerp and is in fact a series of very old cellars giving the place a dungeon style look & feel.
One can rent private rooms equipped with all sorts of fun stuff like a winch, scaffolds and a Saint Andrew’s cross for a very democratic 25 Euro per hour.
Here is a link with an English written presentation to the Fetish Café.
It is a closed BDSM-club on Saturdays but on Friday it is open.
When Princess, Little A. and myself where in Antwerp about a week ago we went trough the alley but didn’t find the Fetish Café as it keeps a very low profile.
We have no clue what to expect this evening so it makes if even more thrilling.
Princess will be taking her collar but will not be wearing it when we enter because I do not want to make her feel uncomfortable. If the mood is right and there are more D/s present she promised me to put it on.
If we like the place we will be going there more often and I can imagine renting a private dungeon for us both in the future.
Princess and I are not yet ready to visit the Fetish Café during the private and thus closed BDSM-events. Although it is not a swinger club sex is allowed during these privately organized happenings.
I don’t mind watching other people but Princess and I don’t want our physical integrity to be compromised in any way.
We don’t want to be shared or even being touched by somebody else and this is an absolute hard limit.
Besides that everything goes a far as I am concerned as long as Princess feel at ease and comfortable.
Tomorrow we are spending the whole day at the beach in Vlissingen, The Netherlands, and we are taking Stella and Star with us.
So don’t expect an account of our evening in the Fetish Café before Sunday.
I haven’t been writing much lately.
One reason is lack of inspiration.
I guess my muse is away on holiday or she got fed up with me and left.
The past two weeks Little A. stayed with me and I gave her as much quality time as possible. We did lot’s of stuff together and one evening we took Princess out for dinner to Antwerp and it was just great and fun and the mussels delicious and tasty.
When my daughter is staying at my place Princess and I can’t play the way we are used to either. No spanking, whipping or other stuff that makes noises of makes Princess scream or yell or moan heavily.
I miss the playing though, not only its intensity and the pleasure it brings us both, but also thinking of a scenario, putting it together, adding the music, creating a mood.
Yesterday evening I pulled the sofa in front of my iMac and Princess and I watched “Eyes Wide Shut”. I had talked about this movie extensively in the past and Princess was dying to see it. She loved the erotic atmosphere, the way the scenes were lit and the story itself.
It is mainly about infidelity and is a topic that makes me not only feel uncomfortable but lets old but not forgotten pain surface generating fear it will happen again.
Unfortunately I am a field expert.
I was cheated on during my first long relationship many years ago and I still remember how it hurt. When I found out the first time it felt as if the ground was going to open and swallow me into black darkness where trust and believe and hope do not exist. I felt so damned lost, trust vanished and my self-esteem crumbling. Was it my fault? Was I not enough a man? Was I neglecting her?
It was almost like sitting in a small life-boat riding huge waves not knowing where one is being led to nor having any control over what is happening.
She was unfaithful with one of my best friends.
As it always does it seems.
I forgave her but could not forget and never felt the same trust I did before.
No more than a half-year later she had something with her hairdresser. To get even I cheated on her too but it made me feel even worse. After that I simply left her and it took me a hell of a time to learn and trust a partner again.
Years later, she long forgotten, another good friend of mine, half drunk, confessed he had her too when I was two days in Paris for my work. Yes, I could remember that evening very clear when I tried to phone her from the hotel and the phone ringed and ringed and was not answered. My stomach twitching and contracting near to vomiting. And how she told me the next day she had gone out on a girl’s evening. Yeah the hell you were!
Not long after I left her she hooked up with a father of two who left his wife and sold his house to be with her.
After I divorced the mother of my daughters, it simply didn’t work and there was no cheating involved, it took me some time before I was ready for a new relationship.
Then I met someone with whom I was together for about 9 months. One evening, a friend and colleague and his wife had just left after enjoying dinner with us, she told me she was going to leave me. She felt that our relationship was more like a brother/sister thing and anyway, she added, she was back with her ex since a few months but she lacked the courage to tell me earlier not wanting to hurt my feelings.
Yeah sure you didn’t.
I guess this is the reason why I don’t have that many friends and that I do not like being part of a group as I still feel, deep in me, the fear to be cheated on again and I know what it does to a man (or a woman) and I don’t want to be there anymore. Never ever.
Fortunately Princess has helped me , with patience and understanding, getting rid of my fears, reassuring me and explaining that bad things don’t always happen over and over.
I want to emphasize I trust Princess completely and unconditionally.
I have never loved as deep as I love Princess.
Yesterday we went for dinner, Little A. , Princess and me and it was a wonderful evening.
We ate mussels in the exquisite “Rooden Hoed“, a well know bistro in Antwerp.
After our delicious meal I took the girls for some sightseeing like the pedestrians tunnel under the river Scheldt leading to Antwerp Left Bank where we finished our evening at an overcrowded Salsa event. We didn’t dance though.
Back home Little A., exhausted, went right to bed and Princess enjoyed a bath while I checked my stats on WordPress.com.
We went to bed and I lay on my back, naked and I pulled Princess on me, her back on my torso, spreading her legs with my knees, one arm over her chest, just beneath her throat, pulling her down against me and letting her almost no room to move.
She quivered when I started caressing her with the tip of my fingers in an ever so gentle touch.
Sliding down over her throat, her sides where she is so sensible, down over her hip, and up again, over her inner thigh and groin and over her stomach and further, between her breasts, then the shoulder and arm, ending at her wrist.
Soon goose bumps appeared and Princess whispered, with that soft and sexy voice of hers, how intense it felt and how much she loved me.
I repeated the patting, stroking other parts of her skin with some fur.
“Oh my,” Princess sighed and gazed at me, eyes incredible deep pools of pure love.
Deliberately I did not touch her breasts or nipples but in stead nibbled softly at her earlobe, a very sensitive spot of hers I discovered only a few days ago.
I played with her clit, Princess was very wet, playing and teasing, mirroring my movements with my teeth in her earlobe.
Princess arched her back, sighed and just before she closed them I noticed her eyes cloud.
She was so ready to embrace an orgasm so I stopped moving my fingers and went back to stroking her most sensitive spots like the inner side of her wrists, thighs, groin and sides just beneath the ribs.
“Mmmm,” Princess moaned, her face showing absolute satisfaction.
Started massaging her warm and wet sweet spot again, stopping just seconds before Princess climaxed, going back to gentle stroking.
Repeated this process over and over and then Princess groaned it was sheer torture.
I smiled and continued caressing her, pushing her to and pulling her back from release I knew she was now craving for.
“Please Milord, let me come, I can’t stand it anymore. Please?” Princess begged.
I went on with my sweet torture.
“Please Milord, I’ll do everything for You, I promise I will. I beg You, let me come. Please? This torture is maddening, I can’t…”
I gave her two short slaps with a wooden spoon on her mons pubis and then circled my thumb gently over her burning sex.
Princess screamed when she finally found the release she was longing for, her body convulsing, her beautiful eyes filled with tears and whispering “I love you… I love you…” repeating it as a mantra, ejaculating on my belly.
She shifted her body so she could snuggle against me, her warm skin against mine and I held her, comforting her while her rapid breathing and increased heart beat slowly calmed down.
I guess we simply drifted away walking up the next morning still holding each other.
“Good morning, my love,” I whispered.
“Good morning to you too,” she smiled.
It was so moving looking at her lovely face and body, softly illuminated by rays of early morning light peeking through the curtains of our bedroom.
Then I cried as I still can’t grasp how happy Princess makes me, how my life has become so intense.
Bound by Desire
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