Thoughts – February 22th, 2015

February 22 is marked in my electronic agenda. I get a reminder the day before. Not that I need a reminder for this event though.

This morning I didn’t mention it to Princess. And during the day I did my very best to think about other stuff. Like how hot Princess is and how lucky I am to have her in my life.

At noon I dropped Princess at her place. Back home I cooked a meal and not much later Little A. dropped by.
So all went well and around 4 this afternoon I opened the Onyx app.
Since I upgraded to Yosemite my iMac has become very slow and unreliable.

Running Onyx takes some time so I grabbed my iPad and found myself a comfortable position on the couch. A beer within grabbing distance.
Watched a few instructive clips about photography on Youtube and then opened Facebook to check what was going on.

I have two accounts and on the iPad FB is set to my Franco Bolli account.

Well, apparently not.
I must have changed it and forgotten about it.

So Facebook opens my regular account and there she is staring right at me.
Young she is, so girlish, and so very beautiful, the hint of a gentle smile lightens her face. She looks playfully and even sensual in the camera.
My father’s camera.
Apparently my sister made this photograph with her very first camera, a Olympus OM-1 if memory serves me well.  Albeit she looks so very young and I am 6 years older than my sister, I don’t have this visual memory of my mom being in her early forties.

It was an old image my sister had posted only a few minutes earlier on her timeline.
The portrait hit me as a wrecking ball and I cried.
I could not help it.
I cried while an avalanche of memories swept me off my feet.
While writing this I had to stop a few times to get a grip on my emotions.

She passed away in May 2006.

It is hard to say goodbye to a loved one. But knowing that then you are really alone is even harder.
A part of your own history is gone forever. Gone are the people who really know you and love you unconditionally.

Sure, our siblings and those whom are very close to us love us intensively and it is a pure and honest love.

But the love of those whom have conceived you with their own love is irreplaceable.

Happy birthday Mom wherever you are.




















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