I had a bad day after a bad night and an evening that went a little sour yesterday.
Sadly Princess and I had a row and it was once again me who started it. First with Skype, then due to bad Wi-Fi we continued by phone finishing the fight with text messages before we wished each other good night.
I have no excuse whatsoever for my bad conduct.
I’ve been feeling rather emotional these past few days. To that was added the grief of Sarah’s departure and the not so pleasant burial yesterday afternoon.
I missed being comforted, kind words, being held but most of all I missed Princess.
And of course I know Princess is on holiday and enjoying herself with her children. A day passes very rapidly and understandably she hasn’t been texting much or emailing for that matter. Wi-Fi sucks and Skype does not work so we phone and try to make our conversations short.
Fatigue, sadness and an unjust feeling of being neglected were enough to wake up my old demons. One led to another and soon a friendly conversation had become an embittered one.
I am sorry for that, Princess.
I also found out Big A. is leaving this Sunday for at least 2 months. Some time ago I helped her with paperwork for an organization for au pairs and she has a job in Milano, Italy. Yes, I am proud of my daughter.
I am not sure I’ll see her before she leaves though. She is very busy packing she told me on the phone.
In the early afternoon Stella stopped by. She wanted us to look at some photographs one of her sisters had taken from her. Stella wanted to pick two for me to order posters of them.
Afterwards Stella and I went for frozen yogurt at the Moochie Bar in my street. We chit chatted for a short time and then she went back home.
I watched a few movies on my iMac and continued to feel blue and sad and anxious.
Around ten this evening we’ll try to Skype again. I so very badly need to hear Princess’ voice. I so desperately want to know that everything is still good.
I am who I am and sometimes I can be a frightened little boy.
OMG I really do miss Princess.