I’ve been feeling very emotional these past few days, the aftermath of the Stella dinner party gone wrong and the fact them I am absolutely nowhere when it comes to Princess’ kids have a major role in this. The dark winter evenings are not helping either.
We had a fine weekend though, Princess and I, dancing, cuddling, playing and spending Saturday and Sunday night together.
Hell, nights with Princess are always too short; I could spend the rest of my life just lying in her arms, skin against skin and her warm breath mixing with mine.
Stella is not well at all and Princess has a hard time cooping with her eldest daughter and she told me it is even heavier now that I’m not aloud around anymore to stand next to her. It makes me feel so utterly powerless.
I can only hope Stella gets better; maybe she’ll have to take more or other drugs against that lurking psychosis that is almost always present in some faraway corner of her troubled mind.
Yesterday I had an unusual bad day at work and when I got home I phoned, as I had promised, with Big A. about her paper she has to deliver today for school. It went bad too; Big A. can be so very short-tempered and has a hard time accepting even positive criticism.
Later on Princess came by and she was not in a very good mood neither. My love explained how Stella had a fight with Kay, Princess’ youngest kid, how her day hadn’t been easy neither and how she was really suffering from the pressure Stella seems to create around herself and others.
I kissed Princess and gave her a present, just for fun, as I don’t need a special occasion to do so except maybe because today it was the 20th. (2 years and 2 months together).
She liked the book I had picked up for her; “Erotica”, a collection of short stories written by Anaïs Nin.
“Let’s go to bed”, I told her, “and read.”
I took my Nexus 7 tablet, sitting in its protective pouch, as I wanted to read “Borealis – Part One Outlander” by Ellie Bay, an e-book I had bought earlier on Amazon. It is a mix of Sci-Fi and BDSM and an excellent review on Southern Sir’s blog made me curious enough to buy the book.
While walking to the other room I hit the doorpost with my arm and the pouch with my tablet fell on the ground. I didn’t make much out of if, hell, the pocket is thick enough.
When I crawled in bed after a quick shower Princess was already reading, it is a real book I gave her, and I took my tablet and swiped to open the screen.
It didn’t respond.
I tried again and then felt something rough under my fingers. Sure enough the screen had been broken when it dropped on the floor.
Fuck, just some cracks on the border but enough to make it irresponsive.
I could not help it but I cried.
Yes I know, it is just some stupid piece of easy replaceable electronic shit and there are far worse things that can occur. But I guess it was in some way the culmination of all these past events that broke me yesterday.
Stella and the dinner, her brother and sisters who don’t want anything to do with me and show it whenever they can, a bad day at work, Big A.’s nagging chatter.
Princess held me in her arms trying to comfort me but for a while I was unable to feel a thing. I lay on my back, staring in the dark while she kissed me softly, stroking me ever so gentle.
For some reason I did not respond, even turned away, wanting to be left alone and for a split second I had the impression my heart had died.
I felt as I imagine Major Tom must have felt “Here am I sitting in a tin can far above the world / Planet Earth is blue and there’s nothing I can do.”
Princess held me and I came to my senses and kissed her, pulled back, still not feeling okay. Finally I grabbed Princess and kissed her vigorously, caressing her whole body with the tips of my fingers until she shivered and moaned.
I then pulled her on top of me, her back on my stomach and chest and I squeezed and pinched her nipples and my hands moved down and I brought the love of my life to a very intense climax.
“Thank you, I needed that so very bad,” she whispered while it was my turn to hold her.
Then I helped myself while Princess licked my nipples and I came lavishly and she drank me and did not stop before she had gotten it all.
“Mmmm,” she sighed before pushing her mouth on mine and we kissed and I tasted myself and it was, as always, so fucking awesome.
We slept well and early this morning she got up for work and I stayed in bed. Wednesday is my free day after all.
At noon today I drove 10 miles back and forth to fetch Big A. from school and she gave me the whole shitload about me caring more for Princess’ kids than for her.
It is old news and I know it is hard for Big A. to understand that I can care for kids that are not mine let alone for their offspring like Star. Big A. reproaches me having helped Stella move, the trips to the “4”, the mother/baby care unit I made with Princess fetching Stella (super quality time with my love that was), the trips and finally the second hand bicycle I bought in a charity shop for Stella. It would make Big A. completely mad if she knew I also chipped in for a carrycot for Stella.
I know Big A. does not use the iPad I gave her a year ago so I explained the problem with my Nexus and Big A. gave me the tablet back for the time being.
When I came home I was once again on the verge of crying. Big A.’s nags hadn’t been much help and I felt worse than ever.
I phoned Princess and we talked briefly and I then felt much better.
I then opened Word and continued correcting the 29-page paper Big A. had emailed me yesterday and send it back. There was already a new mail waiting for me, from Big A., asking me if I would correct the attached document, which I did.
Meanwhile the iPad was being backed up, then I restored it to its original settings and installed the apps I like to use like Dropbox, Twitter, Hootsuite, WordPress and Tumblr. Finished the installation with the Kindle app and restoring the books it had bought on Amazon.com.
Princess came by after work to kiss me. It made me feel much better.
During the day I watched a movie I consider a wonderful and intense love story. It is one of the more accessible movies by David Lynch and is called “Wild At Heart” with Nicolas Cage and Laura Dern as lead actors.
Cage sings Presley and I am adding a clip at the end of this post.
It is dark outside yet it is only 8.
I miss Princess more than I can say or write but tomorrow evening she will be in my arms again.
It will be a long wait though.
Princess, I love you and it is such an intense, deep and unconditional love and it is new to me as I sincerely can say I have never loved someone like I love you.
Love me forever Princess. Always.
Love me tender.
Take it away, Youtube…