For those whom have been following this blog for ages know Princesses’ kids and I have a tense relation. Except for Stella, Princesses’ eldest kid, I have/had no real connection/relation with the 4 others.
Even on January first, 2017, after little over 5 years with Princess, two of her daughters chose to leave when we, Princess, Stella, Little Star and I arrived at the family event.
I have two daughters, Big A. and Little A. Although I never wanted children of my own, I cannot imagine life without my daughters. There is a quite a difference in age between my two daughters. When Ex was pregnant the second time I hoped it would be a daughter. For a reason I am still trying to figure out I did not wish to have a son.
My father died when I was 13 and ever since I have been searching for a surrogate father. Two did come close but are history now.
I stopped looking. There simply is no surrogate.
Have I ever missed not having a son?
Like once in a blue moon.
The Boy is Princesses’ only son. He is 18 or 19, I am not sure. You see how well I know them. Hell, they don’t know me either but that does not hold them back of having a negative idea of me.
I disliked The Boy when we first met because I did not correctly read him. It felt like he was laughing at me, with mockery and disdain. He kind of attacked me in the beginning, showing off like a peacock. Trying to impress me and his mother. Now I know it was a game played already by sons for a zillion years. The master of the house. Like I did, protecting my mom, decades ago.
Since a few years we had some contact but it was more like a ship approaching an isle only to be thrown back because of heavy storms and waves.
The Boy flunked high school because he was tired of what he felt like condescending shit. Yet he needs a high-school diploma in order to study further.
So he is getting that diploma by passing tests organized by the educational board. I don’t know if this is something that exists outside Belgium or how it is called in other countries.
Anyway The Boy chose photography. Not out of vocation but because it seemed to him like the easiest way.
One of his sisters, Ar, told him she knew a guy who knew a guy whom was a professional photographer.
The Boy made it clear, he wanted to ask my help.
When he did I said yes, I do.
Anyway, past Saturday The Boy visited me for the first time at my place.
He and I sat down at my dining table and I explained how the Nikon I was about to lend him worked. Gave him a couple of lenses, a bag to carry the stuff and because I wanted him to succeed as his idea was shooting an event in low light, I lend him my Ricoh GR II. It is a camera I want to be buried with.
It did not work out, the results were not what he has expected for and when I phoned Princess Sunday evening she put The Boy on the line. He was angry and disappointed and everything in between. It could sense his tears hiding between the words he spoke.
I told him not to worry. Shit happens, he has to learn and so but the message did not get through completely.
Then I talked to Princess again and finally we ended the conversation. I was tired, needed some sleep.
It was around 22:30 or so and I was dreaming of me, The Stranger nd Princess when my phone beeped.
It instantly woke me up.
I am 24/7 available for Princess, my daughters and Stella.
It was The Boy.
We texted back and forth for about half an hour. I felt how he wanted, needed, to express himself to somebody he knew would understand. It was about his anger, his fears.
I felt blessed and honoured because of his trust.
I did my best and I was honest.
I cannot replace, I can’t be a substitute, I don’t want to as a matter of a fact.
But it came fucking’ damn close.
I felt an intense connection with The Boy.
I hope he did too.